Sunday, March 22, 2009
I was visited last night. The back history here is that I haven't been going to the Fishbowl in a while. To be quite frank about it, I've been feeling very disheartened about a lot more than frogs in boiling water lately. The overall state of affairs that I see and frequently experience has become disheartening, and I guess you could say I've begun to lose my faith. The overall result is a tendency to desire outright mundanity and to lose the 95% of myself that makes me a living breathing person to begin with. I've been seriously considering just flat... I dunno... going stupid I guess you could call it, which part of me acknowledges is an utter impossibility but there are times I'd like to try. I was born breathing "the mists of ambiance energy" and literally could not be removed from it without just dying. But day-um people. But upon review, what reason have I to continue dealing with a Council on High the way they handle matters with us mere mundanes below? Yes, I am aware that there are times they simply cannot explain. There are times that you just have to trust them, and there are dozens and hundreds of dozens of simple events in my life that speak loudly for "be patient, you padawan." But there is this other issue, this all-important other issue, that I've been getting dodged about. They have given me excuses, which means that there is no reason to be patient. They've even lied. They've placated in order to get me to wait, and then wait some more. I've been patient about it because of the other dozens of examples, and the fulfilled promises, and related factors. Patient and patient while being told I had final command. They haven't done anything wrong. They've done their jobs, and they've done it superbly. But then we get to those who work with them that are also, like myself, aware. Contact them and I am ignored. Reach out to them and I am directed to fluff fluff e-mail lists filled with propaganda and bullshit. Seek to build the physical bridges that are so very needed and required for our final jobs here and I am met with a wall of ego or paranoia, take your pick. So maybe I'm lonely, or maybe I feel more than ever I've been shouting unheard in a very large crowd. Either way this suxors. Nothing is getting done, and we the Council on High are our own worst enemy. Or something like that. Other things have begun to happen in the real world, and I've had to look at once again putting major factors of my role and duty on hold to somehow find a paying job and protect house and home. Mind you, without those things I'll begin to whither. I literally cannot live without them, and I cannot deal with pushing them down. Hooray being an innate and full-fledged shamanistic type. But anyway. All I've heard from on High for years is that the quest would begin to pay for itself, and that the needed things would come to me. Ha, once again I'm not seeing it. I feel that whomever is in charge of finance is a total idiot on some days. So I threw up my hands, and I literally walked away. For days I've been hearing here and there to come back. I've been pushed and prodded, given signals and signs. I've ignored them all. Talking to the Other Half last night on the phone, I did casually mention that part of my sorrow was the loss of doing comic books. This story that I tell I used to try to tell to all of the 'kin over ten years ago, and I was often pushed aside because no one wanted to hear it. But it's an important story, truly it is. Okay fine, so I'm in it. So are a lot of other people, and the telling of this story is important for them. And somehow I feel it's important for the world, so I have found a good way to tell it that doesn't have people telling me to shaddup. =^-^= I'm doing my JOB and I'm doing it RIGHT and dammit all to hell..... I'm often approached by representatives, angry council members, frustrated secretaries, etc. when I'm laying down to sleep or am already sleeping. Each have their own way of approaching. Some walk straight up and go right into screaming at me. Others approach timidly and wait for me to notice them. But overall unless they're part of my personal Seven (Nine, Twelve or Three), they stand a certain amount away from my feet and keep that special distance. Last night as I lay on my bed - I wasn't sleeping very well because the air mattress isn't keeping air so well anymore - in that alpha state the Fishbowl treasures so much I was approached by a thin blond young man. He was probably in his twenties with short hair. He wore a green t-shirt. This one walked right up to me and sat right down next to me. He began speaking very quickly, as if he didn't have much time or maybe he was afraid I was going to tell him to go the fuck away. =^-^= Either way, his tone was on purpose set in a hopeful and positive manner and he was telling me something about the comic book... something about... a plan I guess. I can't remember the discussion at all. But I did wake up remembering some things on it I had to do. And that's what happened recently. Hope you enjoyed the tale.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Damn, this dream wasn't as good as it was supposed to feel and there's no one to share it with. One person is in bootcamp and the other two are stuck up their boyfriends' asses. -_- I knew (even though nothing around me looked like it) that this happened after the next fall of mankind. Mankind had been divided into two factions: my side and the other side. That's what I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt. I lived on the island where there were other people, working cellphones, and other amenities that suggested my knowledge was in error. But I took such things for granted. Even though if you went beyond a certain zone in this world I was in, the cellphones and other such things would not work. There was an entire regiment of men who had come from another time, but they were all criminals. I remember stepping into someone else's head and going to them. They were sitting in rows, forced to sit that way, as they were guarded by giant robot looking men. Maybe men in suits of armor. Who can say. I asked to speak to the leader. The leader was a midget. I told them that I wanted to come to some sort of agreement with them that if they served I could get them more freedoms, but I had not spoken with the leader yet. I was only seeing what they could do at this stage and was making no promises. But... for some reason this was cut short and I can't remember how or why. I was no one higher up in this scenario, but I did have a team. I cannot remember who led the team or if I led the team or even if we had got together accidentally. We had a mission. We stole something of value, but now I cannot remember what it was. Or how we got it. I have vague impressions of a boat and that the item of value was of historical importance somehow. And it was not hard to steal it, either, because no one was expecting us to go for it. We just walked right in and got it, wherever it was. After we had the item, we went to the main place. I cannot tell you much about it. It's all vague, because it feels like this dream went on for a very very long time - not for days but certainly for 12 hours at least. The sun was up when we stole the artifact and the skies were very blue. I cannot tell you the time of day when we went to the building, because obviously we were in a building. We were ushered into a large room; I and the head of another team. I was starting to come out of it, I guess you could say, at this point. I was suddenly noticing that things weren't right even though I had taken everything for granted before. The others who came in with me sat down to wait, but I wondered if I could run out the door and escape. I started to stand up to see, but I heard the door lock. We were inside awaiting our audience with the big man whose name nor title I did not know. There was a little girl there who also was waiting. Maybe she was 6 or 7. You could tell she was going to be a dainty person, so she might even have been 8. She was a beautiful child. Her hair was long, like mine, but she was White so it was blond. There were curls around her face that were almost white, which only gave her an angelic appeal. Her skin was very pale and had a slight pink tinge to it. I cannot tell you the color of her eyes, but the shape of her face was heart shaped with a little button-like nose. She fainted suddenly, and a woman in a lab coat caught her. She was carried out of the large room we waiting in and laid down on, of all things, a bunch of boxes and equipment as if she were an after thought and would be collected later. The woman, who I vaguely thought was the child's mother even though she was dark and they looked nothing like each other, put an ear bud from an MP3 player into the child's ear and then turned to walk away. I stepped just beyond the door and asked in English and Sign Language, "Is she okay?"' The woman nodded and mumbled yes and shooed me back into the room. I can't remember much of the next part. There were two girls there and I can't remember if this was next or the end, but apparently they both had recently gotten married. The leader hugged them both and called them his married babies, so I'm guessing that was at the end of the dream because the leader had not arrived yet. So when people started coming to receive the leader, I noticed that they had thrown on jackets and hats over their regular clothes. I became worried because all I had was a plain black hat with no decoration, and I was the only one with that. The woman was at the door again so I asked her, "We have to wear red and blue for this, don't we?" I was worried. Centuries ago we wore red and blue with black if we were high ranking officers for the Adonai in the old empire. I was afraid I was standing in this situation again, and I did not want to be there. The woman did not answer. She went back out the door. Then everyone else came, and I have a vague sense that something else happened. But I'm not sure what. The leader arrived, wearing a business suit and a red and blue military-looking jacket. I remember the red trim. He was somewhere near his fifties with grey hair and a potbelly. He walked into the room and stood by the giant window in the large room. There were steps in the room; like a rise in the middle of the room. Everyone else lined up on it and stood with their hands clasped behind their backs like we used to do centuries ago. Because I was no longer with the groove of this dream scenario, I watched everyone and imitated them. I also looked at their arms because there was a part of me making sure they were doing it right. I knew how to do it, so did not worry about that part. When I found my place and stood, the leader took a few steps. This made everyone else change positions. They started walking in a circle around him going clockwise. I followed, wondering what in the hell, as the leader said, "I created this room to be like it used to be, but also so that if you were to die in here the last words you would see were those written on the wall." But there were no words on any wall, but I did not say anything. Something knew that I had to be utterly and completely quiet and not slip up here. But after making a full circle around the leader, I realized that everyone else was doing it because they didn't know where to stop. I knew that someone had to stop and look like they knew what they were doing, so I did. I stood with my back to the wall that had the door and clicked my heels together, standing at attention. Everyone else followed suit, so that we made a circle around the leader. But I can't remember what happened next. There was something, also, about making a bed for the girl child. People were coming into the room and pouring bubble gum on the floor, and she was going to sleep on that I thought. It was a colorful little area they were making, like what you see in nurseries today. But now that I'm awake I'm wondering if it weren't packing peanuts and not bubblegum for some reason. And for some odd reason the leader was sitting on the bubblegum to talk to us and we were sitting cross-legged around him. I wish I could remember. I didn't wake up until after noon even though I went to bed early.