Tuesday, December 28, 2004
There is an old wives' tale that to dream of a wedding is to actually dream of a death or funeral. Just so, to dream of a funeral is to actually foretell a wedding. I believe the first half of that myth is true because before my grandmother died, I dreamed I was at the church for her wedding, and she ascended a spiral staircase in a beautiful wedding gown. She was young with black hair again and thin; very beautiful. The way I've always somehow remembered her, even though I was born when she was old. What does it mean, then, to dream of your own wedding? It's something I've been having a dream of repeatedly for as long as I can remember. It used to be that I was merely betrothed against my will, and I would run to dodge the situation. It was like Runaway Bride, but with a prince wondering where the hell I was while I took off. The dreams of the situation have occurred less and less as I have grown older. This morning as I woke up from two consecutive dreams, I realized that the event has also gotten closer and closer with each dream. Before, it was an unwelcome proposal. Lately, the dream ended with me trying to prepare for the sacred ceremony - not just any ceremony, a very special one. So like a knight in his vigil, I had to prepare in some special way. Last night... I actually put on the damn dress. Let me begin. The plot line is mostly jumbled from the first dream, so I cannot begin to recount it for you. There was a sheriff. There was me, there was my betrothed. There was a satin white dress with puffy sleeves and a thin waist. The images go in order like this a best I can tell: I am working underneath the sheriff somehow, but yet I'm not an employee. There are mysteries and prisoners. My fiance this time is not a prince or a strong red warrior or anything like that. (This is unusual.) But it is still arranged, but I forget how. He's a dark man, so I think he's of Hispanic origin somehow... a foreigner in my mind definitely... but he does not speak with a foreign accent. It is night, we are tired, the sheriff tells me not to sleep in the same bed with my fiance because he tosses in his sleep. But that's the only place TO sleep, so I do. There was no sex. I woke up with a purple nose, though, from where he hit me in his sleep. I think it was broken. I favored it the rest of the dream. We woke up on the morning of the wedding, so I put on that damn dress. While getting ready, I walked to the desk where the sheriff was and stepped on a pin needle. I pulled it out of my bare foot, and there was a note attached to it that the sheriff noticed (that I did not). He unrolled it. Written in red ink was a ransom note from 1976. It said that some person had stolen the ashes to the sheriff and deputy that had died back then. A crime mystery was just solved by this. The sheriff took off in his truck to track the criminals down. For some reason it was up to me to cook all of the food and make all of the reception preparations. I can't cook. The reception would be a disaster. Heh. I don't know if the next part was a second dream or just a jump in plot line, but it started with the smurfs. Remember the Smurfs? Yeeeaaah... when they were travelling somewhere, Brainy would always whine, "Are we there yet, Poppa Smurf?" Heh. I loved those little guys. So it's a mall setting, and the Smurfs are travelling in two lines. One is lead by Poppa Smurf and the other is lead by Brainy. They happened to cross paths, and Poppa Smurf somehow tricked Brainy so that his group could cross first. This devastated Brainy for some reason, and he wailed with a large mouth, "Poppa Smurf, how could you?!?" Poppa Smurf told Brainy that he would always pick his children first. This devastated Brainy further. He wailed louder and his line seemed to merge with Poppa Smurf's while the old smurf and his smurfs smurfed across the way. The area they were crossing looked like a bridge over a chasm to them, but it was a mall area so it could have been a banister for all we know. Someone was there looking at the mall map; a human. I was there, too, He pointed to the map and told me that the smurfs were headed to the wedding and he had to stop them. On the map was a blue pentacle that had been drawn through the mall; it represented the smurfs' path. The man told me that the smurfs were headed towards the ticket booth. Said ticket booth was a the final point to the star. It was then that it was revealed to me that the pentacle was drawn by two blue lines. Now that I am awake, I have to assume that each line was either Brainy's or Poppa Smurf's group. The lines were about to converge at wherever the ticket booth was. The man took off toward the ticket booth, and I also took off. I went a separate way, though, and was in a large hurry to get there first. I somehow was holding a brown binder; something hand written that had to do with evidence or the story or something. And then I came across a pool, for I had went to the second floor to get there faster and it was all pool. So in my wedding dress, I jumped in the water and tried to swim to get to the other side, which I knew would lead to the stairs down to the ticket booth and get me there faster. I wanted to just walk around the pool, but the water lapped up to the walls and I could not. So I swam as hard as I could, worried that the book was getting wet, smelling the chlorine and feeling my dress drag (but not hold me back, oddly enough). And that's where I woke up... swimming... dressed and on my way to the wedding. This is the farthest I have ever come in the wedding theme dreams. I'm very close now. And I'm still oblivious.
Friday, December 24, 2004
I dreamed about gateways again last night. They were gateways I had visited before, things I had done in my dreams before. I'm not sure about the plot line, though. But it started out eleven years ago. Eleven years ago, myself and a blond "sister?" (friend?) were in a large household. WE lived there, that was our home, and we were playing hide and go seek or something with the other kids. Somehow me and my friend stumbled through a mirror and ended up eleven years in the future. But we did not know that. Our mother, who was an overweight harsh woman with black hair in the style of the turn of the century - come to think of it just about every dress was similar to that as if inspired from it - was still the same. There were more kids around the house, tho, and we played with them. No one said a word to us. Don't ask me, but Frodo was there. Yeah, Frodo from the blockbuster movie. He showed me how to walk through one of the mirrors to go places, but told me never to do so in the winter. There were gateways in the house, apparently, but the time he showed me it only took me to the other side of the house. So me and my sister/friend were playing hide and seek with the other kids, and we decided to use the mirror to get to the other side of the house (it was huge. Think miniature Rosered) to get away from the kid who was "it." We bolted for the mirror, and almost got tagged, but melted through just in time. Just beyond was a closet door, so we opened it. There was a nother closet door, and another and another. I locked the third behind me, remembering that it had a little nail lock from another dream. I remember turning my head just before reaching that 3rd door and seeing Frodo on the other side of the mirror. He was shaking his head "no!" in urgency, trying to tell us not to go through the gate. I remembered he had said something about winter, but I was determined. I was already on my way, so we kept going through the gates and at the end somehow (I forget how) had to dive in water. And up we came, but there was ice! (Which I thought strange as we broke through) We came up sopping wet and walked out into the house, only things were different. Very different. The house was more American, ranch style for starters. There were fences, electric ones, everywhere. We explored, and I was confused. We started to go down the long driveway but there was a blackbear sleeping by the metal gate. So I turned us around, and we walked back toward the house, looking for a way in through the fences. Don't ask me how but my friend turned into a black bear and I got her to ride me for a few feet until I realized she was a bear and I let go. Somehow we got in. WE snuck in through the side somehow. We came upon a darkish room with the kids there. They were our siblings, but they were... well... nice. People here were nice. That was fucked, for me, cuz I knew something was off. The boy and two girls giggled at us coming and apparently didn't recognize us. One of them, the youngest (who was about 7 or 9) was still in diapers. The others were about our age or older when we used to be older. We somehow got out the door and to the main room where our mother was. She was holding a picture of her holding her eldest son, a brother I remembered but hadn't seen in the dream, and the eldest son was gravely hurt .She was grieving. tHe picture was very cartoonish - in my style even - and drawn in red. While listening to her explain to us what had happened to him (some accident) I finished drawing his legs for her. Thre was another adult standing to my left during this. At this point they told us that we looked like the siblings who had disappeared eleven years ago. The shock to me was astounding. I was like, do the fuck what? Then I remember *our* version of home and how things had changed and realized that's what had happened. We'd been jumped forward eleven years. And somehow me and my sibling/friend decided we had to leave. So we started for the mirror, but when we got there we found a .. well it was made of brick and looked Roman and it was a door. WE opened it. There was another. We opened it. There was another. On and on for twelve doors or so. AT this point I was getting real nervous. Then the family came in behind us, wondering what we were doing. We opened and shut doors and went as fast as we could, trying to reach and get through the gate before they caught us. AT the end, I had to break the final door. The doors had been getting smaller and smaller, until finally I punched the last one. All of the doors fell forward and we were in a cavern or something. The door slabs fell to the dark earth below, and I thought, "We have to jump in THAT?" Then I noticed that just above eye level was a tiny window; a window to our house. As fast as I could, I opened it. OUR mother was sitting on the other side. Just in time! The family had come up behind - sweet bumbling people that they were. "Mother,"I said through the window, "Tell everyone here they're not allowed to be here!" She looked up and snapped, "You people are not allowed back there! Get out!" Because she looked just like THEIR mother, they believed her and went "Awwww." Clearly they were deflated. Then I said, "Mother, tell them I'm on restriction and have to go in now!' She snarled and said so. She clearly enjoyed punishing me. And that's how me and my sibling/sister/brother (ever since we found out we were the missing brothers, our sex was in doubt) escaped and went home. There was a final view of what happened to the "nice" family. They'd taken the wrong gateway out and somehow ended in another alternate of our house. There was a tall building being build on the spot and everything was cleared away. The family sat ona blanket just beyond the construction, but at the top of a tower the house was being built. And the nice mother was complimenting the construction workers in a lustful way so that they all threw things at her. I can't remember the final event, I was coming into wakefulness at that point..... but yeah. More gateways. Reference to the damn eleven year thing. I blame you. *point*
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Was I me or someone else? I thought I was me. My hair was just as long, but light brown with waves (when I thought about it). I was in the navy. Or something like that. I worked on a submarine, a lowly type person, and we were at war with someone. You could hear gunshots outside, so that at the beginning of the dream I thought I was on a ship and not a submarine. The other sailors there told me, no, we were hearing the "land mines" and battle above us. What happened? I'm not sure. THe submarine was swimming through it, we were at some giant... structure? A dock but also a city? I don't know if we were fighting for this place, but there were indeed mines in the water. And we tried going around them. But somehow that didn't work and the sailors had to abandon ship. So I did with the rest. There were seals there, and I painted my entire body dark metallic blue, even under my fingernails, and I swam with the seals. There were other sailors who were in swimsuits. They told me I could never fool the seals, but I swam through the water poles of the dock around and around and the seals barked. I swam and underwater I barked and clapped my hands, and someone exclaimed that I was indeed a seal. So I ended up on the beach, and there were campsites there - they were from "my people," whomever that was. Natives, yes of course - probably a big deal because I NEVER dream of other reds unless its something important. Somehow I was chieftess, and somehow I was pregnant, and somehow I went into labor. The women clustered around me while I screamed and gave birth there on the sand - I can't remember if it was in a hut or somewhere else, all I knew was I was giving birth - but the baby was stillborn. It would have been a boy. A dark boy. I grieved, but did not show it as the small tribe (there were probably seven or nine or so of us) tried to cope with life on the seashore. Our huts were mere leanto's, and they wore only something around their waist and conch shells in their hair. Their faces were never clear; more background color than anything while I was still painted up like a mock-seal. I had to go back to battle, so I did and the seals there knew me. I can't recall what happened there, only that my "grandmother" appeared. She was brown and walked tall and had conch shells in her hair. She crossed the jetty to reach the tribe, and as soon as I saw her I left the water and was a brown haired human again. I flew into her arms, crying. She held me, and I told her my baby died. I cried about the boy over and over, thinking he was only 3 lbs when he was born. She said he was born too early, but I kept crying even though she told me to hush. The tribe looked down or away: my emotion made them uncomfortable. When I woke up, remembering that scene, I felt like the dream was telling me that I'd left my job behind to grieve and the people didn't like that - that I had a job to do, no time for feeling.
Saturday, December 18, 2004
It started with me and Pixie driving around. We were in one of those places in my dream world again: the woodsie mountainy part with the swingset I call Canada. Something about the United States had driven us up there, finally, but it was at my suggestion. There was a playground with people.. this part is sketchy.. Rachel was there, so I swung next to her, trying to include her. But then I was home again, and Pixie was there. He was living with me?? in my bedroom, but he snuck out the backdoor just as I did to take a walk. Only he wasn't taking a walk, he was dressed in black and carrying a backpack. I asked him if he was leaving or some such, but he ignored me. Don't ignore me! It's not like I don't konw what yo'ure up to! SoI went back inside to grab this things. I told him I was throwing all of his belongings onto the lawn, that I knew he and Rachel had gotten a place together and he was leaving me completely. When I got to my bedroom, all of his things were already gone except for four items: an ashtray and a couple of other things. They were all black. So I carried them out - they were slightly heavy being marble - and I threw them at him. I was so angry at him and so hurt. There was a grey looking bus/car (sort of like the one me and the Jack caught in our dream in the car trap), and it stopped to pick him up. Yeah, I told him, I knew he and Rachel had gotten a place together. What's wrong with that? he asked me defensively. In that moment, I had a sense of gaining my true form. It wasn't something I did consciously so much as I just kinda knew that I was a teeny little blue-black streaky haired elf-thing with furious violet eyes. For one thing, I lost a couple of inches in height and my rage and injustice mounted. I jabbed my finger at the Pixie, hitting his left shoulder and cried, "What's wrong?!? You promised that when you got her, you wouldn't do this to me! That's what's wrong! You promised!!" After that is kinda hazy... I woke up... thinking yeah. He did promise. Just like all the others.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
The woman across the street that was my mother's sister until she married a white man, went Xtian and took to calling us "trash" and trying to be above her birth ... lives across the street, as I've alluded already. Her house is big and white, fenced in. She and it were in my dream. But they were almost background color. The dream is sketchy now, of course. I remember that her yard was covered in water. The water was green and full of algae; it was very unhealthy for swimmers. It had no fish and no other life in it. It was just stagnate dirty water. I forget were I was going to, but I travelled often in this dream. At one point I had a tall fuzzy man of a companion, but he only stood by my left side as if guarding me. There was a moment of fear, but I can't recall what happened now. There was mostly the water. I had to swim in it. The water was nowhere else in the neighborhood, just piled high over the woman's yard. And her gate had become a gateway, with the opening being a 6 pointed star... at least I think it had six sides... as I would pass through I'd notice that it were a hexagram or something but was more interested in swimming past the water before I suffocated than anything. So I'd go to the gate and swim into it, and I'd swim through the water where her yard once was. And by this I ended up in the various locations, as I have mentioned before. I only remember two of them. One was a house by the sea. It had three stories, and I'd been there before in other dreams. I did not stay there long. The other was a place where a woman stood guard by the doorway. This is whenI had my companion with me, and the woman across the street had brought us. I believe this was our first trip. We went to the door, and I think it was the door to a church. THe building was dark brown, as was the woman's hair, and she looked hateful. She wasn't going to let us in, even though we were both artists (I don't know how i knew this). I grew angry at her attitude and started to walk away. She opened her mouth to say something about God and Xtians, and I said, "No...!" I forget what else I said but it was to the effect of that the moment she started in on her Xtian crap I knew I didn't want in. I did dream a nifty slogan. Someone was wearin ga black t-shirt (and they were somehow me or something) that read, "Walk the rope as if it's well insured." I'll polish it up. Use that. The gate was neat. The star was a modified star of david with a full metal alchemist over theme. The star itself was two overlapping triangles surrounded by a circle. There was a second smaller circle on the inside so that the tips of the star made more circles. When I went to go thorugh it, the inside would open because it was overlapping triangular pieces of metal or summin. The gate was kinda corroded or summin. BUt in good shape. Just.. weathered and off color?
Sunday, December 12, 2004
Never wait a whole day to record your dream - you'll have forgotten most of it,which I have, despite vows not to as I crawled out of bed. There was something people dressed in medieval clothing, and although I said they were 14th century my brother (whomever he was, not one I have now) said they were 11th century. Turned out he was right as I checked in a book I had of periodic fashion. Something big was happening in this dream, too, but alas I cannot remember it now. How vexing. EDIT 2014: So... I was talking to the one I was twinned with probably.
Saturday, December 11, 2004
I worked in a military compound, although it looked more like a rebel base. The building was one of those low buildings - something like one of those old trucker hotels - that was converted. It was run down and filthy, and it was in the middle of nowhere. By the middle of nowhere I mean there was nothing around it, and the terrain was dirtland. The roads were dirt. There were tanks, sort of, rather like background color in the beginning. There was a group of people, something like a councel that was lead by five people or so. I forget how the hierarchy goes. Men and a woman. The woman had black hair that was cut in a low fly back so that it layered right at her chin. SHoulderlength. A real bitch. She was mean to me throughout the dream, but I forget how. I was nothing in the dream; a nobody. I forget my job. Pixie was there - I forget how he got there. He was taller than me, his skin was paler (although he still had his little philipino face) and he was wearing a red shirt (totally unlike him). Something the black haired woman did pissed him off when we were in the front yard. He looked down at first, but he lost his temper anyway (also not like him) and he started screaming at her, telling her to fuck off. She also was screaming, putting her little face up as much as possible towards his. He grabbed her face with these enormous hands, as if he were going to break her neck, while they yelled at each other. I ducked beneath his arms to get inbetween them, and I pushed back by his chest/shoulders. I kept saying, "Pixie! Pixie! Calm down.. think about the tiger! Concentrate on the waterfall, meditate on the tiger! The tiger!" In my mind I knew I was trying to tell him to meditate and control his anger like in the monkery, but I also knew that a tiger was the last thing to concentrate on. But I cried this to him anyway, pushing him away as hard as I could to save the woman. (At the gymn I press 80 to 100 lbs on my legs, but it was a hard fight to push him back.) After a minute, he said, "She's not worth it," and turned his back on the affair. I went back to work as if it was nothing. But the event meant Pixie and I had to flee the compound as fast as possible.I remember thinking, "But I saved her life!" while I got ready to flee. We were at the high fence (which was littered all around it) trying to find a way out, when someone inside the compound shot the woman dead. Tanks started to come from far away to address the issue... the leader was dead? I think? I don't know. I wasn't afraid... I knew we wouldn't be pinned for it because we had already begun to leave, but yet we were still trying to get out. I woke up about that point to learn that Pixie's best friend Rachel had had a similar dream, only she stabbed the black haired woman who turned into someone else and fled. Instead of tanks there were old busses.