Thursday, May 5, 2005
Damn if I can't recall all of my dreams last night. THere were a lot of people in my dream, and we were doing things. Talking, moving around, walking. And the jerk was on a bench - probably the church pew in Boomtown - and I sat near him and lay my head in his lap. He was dressed in old time clothes one would have seen on a royal person of a mixture between the Oriental lands and my own: flowers and embroidery. I was there, and my hair was in braids, and I lay there as he sat and let me. THen I thought that I'd been there too long and sat on the floor by his side with my arms on the pew to prop my head up. And the others came and wouldn't leave him alone. I thought how no one ever gave him a moment's peace. "Even me."
Monday, April 18, 2005
It was in Boomtown, or so I thought as I stood there in the cow field with the Jack. There were no cows in sight, but EVERYTHING was brown. There were fence lines criss crossing everywhere. They were shiny; a mixture between electric lines and barbed wire. I was telling the Jack a story, and as I told it to him the story unfolded around us in a locksend movie scenario. In the story, a young boy was travelling and he was making dolls. He would make the dolls out of old roots he found in the cow field, and he'd shape them into mushroom shapes. But, in my story I told the Jack that they were thunder beings. At about that point, I realized that the boy was an old soul like the Jack and I. I pulled us out of the story and into Boomtown proper. I stood near the stage, and the Jack stood off to my left closer to the dining tables. I said to the Jack that he should find more "tinkers" like that boy to make thundermen to put inside of Boomtown. In every seat in Boomtown, there was a mushroom thunder being that had been placed by the boy. But the Jack needed more. Dammit, forest injuns like me are NOT supposed to be dreaming about Hopi deities. What a fucked up dream.
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Thursday, April 14, 2005
I was in Boomtown, helping the Jack. We were moving props and things.... and singing together. Brown was the major theme in this dream. We both wore brown. Everyone was there, but they all wore white. That's okay, because I couldn't see their heads. It's like the Jack and I were the only real people in the room. And even stranger is that although we were singing together or he was telling me what to do, he never said a word. Not one. He would just look at me, and I continue to sing. I didn't sing a song, just a melody. Just my voice going up and down as I sang notes. Notes, like I do when at the beach calling to the powers that be. Just notes. I thought to myself that we'd been doing it all night, and then woke up. I didn't feel like I'd rested at all. I was sleepy all day. So I told the Jack the dream today, and he showed me all the work he'd done all night long. Laughed when I remarked that singing the Phantom together might not have been a good idea. Mischievous Puck!
Monday, April 11, 2005
Had another Boomtown dream last night. I've no clue if this one can be interpreted, because it was fucking weird. Anyway, so I'm standing between the threshold of your "office" and the dressing room. Things were pretty dark and dusty in there. I could see the dust on the walls - well as well as I could see, being as I'm astrally blind and all. I could make out these metal bracket things above the mirror, but overall I guess I was just taking the scenery for granted. You took some florescent lights out of the ceiling, which had changed to have florescent lighting. Told you this was weird. Anyway, you handed three to five of the bulbs to me. You wanted me to put them away as you continued standing on the chair to reach the ceiling. Yep. Somehow we were short enough to do that. So I'm standing there with these really long bulbs in my left arm. I remember that when I accepted them, I did so with my right arm. I got a flash of my sleeve, which was some sort of green with yellow flecks I think. The bulbs reached from the floor to my chin. One of them was burned out so that it was grey-black inside while the others looked okay. I knew as I held them that although they looked like normal flourescents, when lit they were black lights It worried me that you'd taken them out, and I fretted about where to put them. That's when I noticed the state of the interior. So. There you have it. I'm betting that one won't be as literal as the last.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
In my dream, I was standing in front of the back register in Boomtown. To my left, the voice of Britanniana talked to me. I forget our conversation, but somehow the subject of complements came up. To my right, where the doorway to the Jack's office would have been, stood the Jack. Instead of the door, there was a green wall. He was wearing his leather jacket and looked like he hadn't shaved in a day or two. He said to me in a flat, no nonsense tone, "You are beautiful." It wasn't You are beautiful, or anything like that. It was flat, as if he just wanted to get the point across with no emotion. "You are beautiful." He repeated himself a second time, "You are beautiful," while I looked at him. His way of going still so his eyes can capture you and hold you arrested my attention for a space before I turned back to the left to talk to Britanniana. I took the Jack to the grocery store today and told him the dream, sans the part about him complementing me. "That's about to happen," he told me, referring to the wall. "IT's not going to be green is it?" I asked. No, but its going to be a light color like that.
Saturday, February 26, 2005
In my dream last night, you had a house near mine. It was wide and and open, and the outside walls were painted red. You were? dunno? more real? Or something. The house was full of younger guys and no Steve. You had a maid who was given an overdose by another maid, and she was dead in the bathroom a month before one of the guys found her. The guys were obnoxious cuz they were all shirtless with no faces and might as well have been models. You know, those cute shallow people I can't stand. Anyway, you came to my house to visit and you and I were hanging out on the tailgate of a red truck in the road when my Aunt Marsha came out (I hate her) to berate me for letting the kids go down the road by themselves. Geez, they're 9 and 11. Gimme a break, anyway there was the threat of losing them (again - that seems to be a theme lately). Hrm... and then there was a blonde baby. You were surrounded by the people we were hanging with, but I handed it to you for some strange reason. You didn't seem to know how to hold it, and I told you that the baby wasn't a cat and to hold it right. But then it turned into a cat, a grey one, and crawled on your shoulder and then mine. It was fluffy. Just spoke to Shadow, the girl who used to live where I put you. She just told me that her walls in her apt. are painted red and she does have a girl come in and clean on Fridays. Other than that? I'm sure this was only a dream, me filtering things that have happened in the past couple of days. But it WAS fucked up. You were all stiff with that kid in your arms. Mwahahaha.
Friday, February 18, 2005
It was a jumble of emotions I wish I could have expressed last night: nothing romantic, though, but they all had to do with the jerk. The part I remember most was him standing at the Boomtown wine counter with paperwork in his hand. Something important had come up - and Britaniana was there - and I'd had to interrupt him to talk to him. He snapped at me of course - he hates being interrupted. I told him, look... do I ever interrupt you unless its important? I never do. After a moment he agreed I was right, but his voice was still on edge. So I repeated myself. Don't snap at me for having to deal with business. I dunno. He was wearing white again. I figure I have to determine what this means, this excessive usage of the colour white.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
The other night, I dreamed of walking with the Jack. The places were brightly lit, white they were so bright, and in the last dream (there were four), I held his right hand with my left as we walked down a city street. We were talking as friends do in this time, and he was also dressed in white. Last night, I dreamed of the Jack several times again. There were bright colors in all of them, mostly the color red. In the final one, I'd went to Boomtown with them and we walked inside. And then we began to climb a long flight of stairs that were by folding chairs, like you would find in a movie theater. I was in a small black dress and wearing black high heels. At the bottom of the stairs, I stumbled and squealed in fear. The Jack kept going to the top (it was a really really long flight of stairs that were covered in red carpet). Tom'nJerry, who was with us, turned around to help me up. While he walked with me, he picked on me for being afraid of heights. The Jack had reached the top, he slipped through a door. Tom'NJerry and I were not far behind... once through the door... We were at the seating aisle of a roller coaster. Oh boy, a roller coaster. Yeah. I seem to have to face a lot of fucking fears around these guys, even in my sleep. I could see the safety bar you stand at while waiting to board a car and not much else because the darkness permeated just beyond it like ink. I reached my hands into the darkness and felt The Jack's soft hair in my hands. Okay, well, there's the Jack at least!! Then Tom'nJerry was helping me to get seated. I had to sit alone, to my frustration and fear. When the car started to move, that's how it began. We were in the very last car, and that worried me because of the way vibrations move objects, especially linked cars at the end of a train. Then my vision flashed, and I was watching myself line up pencils into a row. I told myself that this was how we were supposed to sit, and boom! Back to the roller coaster to find myself sandwiched between Tom'NJerry and the Jack. Jerry was on my left and the Jack was on my right. The roller coaster went out into a grey world, and I was apprehensive and quiet. I didn't buckle myself up right away, but when I finally did we went over a hill and into a loop. It wasn't a loopty loop, but one of those centrifugal force loops. I like those. ^-^ So the coaster went around and around, and our car was spun farther and farther out. I told myself I would not be afraid and enjoy this, and I think I succeeded a little. I worried about the speed and loops that were surely to come. The coaster slowed to a stop after the loop and just before I woke up, I wondered if somehow I'd managed to not watch the loops somehow.
Saturday, February 5, 2005
I was with the Jack in an old building. He beckoned me upstairs, so we went. All around us things were dark brown, deep shadowed and unkempt. Basically, it was in major disrepair. We got to the top, which I knew was going to be an apartment. I can't remember just how things went. I think he was telling me his plans for the place. At one point, however, he told me to look out the window. As the window was behind me, facing the door (which he was standing by), I turned around. I was a little afraid to look out the window because I knew we stood at an incredible height. But I approached the window anyway and looked out beyond the dark brown, lightless world of Jack's apartment. Cherry was suddenly there, standing to my right, also telling me to look out the window. The world outside was a surprise to me. I remember thinking that I never knew Jacksonville looked like this. In real life it doesn't. The city I saw in my dream was more like the New York you see in paintings and movies. There was a bridge in the distance. It was lit by hundreds of lights and gleamed silver-white in the night like the bridge to the Other Lands. The buildings before it stacked diagonally to the right, and all the windows were lit and even twinkling like stars. "What a beautiful view," I told Cherry. The Jack was standing just behind me; I could sense him but I did not turn around. I stepped back away from the window while they told me that yes, it was a gorgeous view, and that was why that place had been chosen...
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Grrrr... It was the jerk and I again, the night before last, in that black inbetween space. We were close, very close, and he lay me down. I held my legs together, knees up, while saying somehow... with yellow light?... that I did not want to. He grabbed my knees and pried my legs open, then bent down for a kiss while, almost anime style, I suffered a stream of insecure thoughts about the state of my body. I was pale.. peach.. and hairless... and not fat like in real life. More close to my true form, which from a waking view point is NOTHING to be insecure about. Silly me. The Jack kissed me there in the middle. It was a long kiss, but not sexual. It was a kiss just like the ones where he kissed my breast in the other dreams. Just as I began to wonder why I didn't feel anything, he got up - I noticed he was wearing white - turned and walked away, melting into the darkness. My first waking thought was, and I quote, "Something has to be done about this, and now!" I don't mean getting him to requite either. Human emotions... pheh! *scratches white doggie ear and sulks* Another reptilian encounter?
Sunday, January 16, 2005
reptilian encounter? I shouldn't be dreaming this way, but I did. I did and I have. Last night it was me and the jerk from Boomtown. We weren't anywhere special. It was like the last time I dreamed about him; we were in a nothingness. That grey in between space of astral. I can't remember what we were discussing. Can I kiss you? Sure, I said. He kissed me on the clavicle (just like that other dream) and ran his hands along my neck, through the roots of my hair. I could feel his hands. We met in a full kiss. It was forceful and strong. And then he pulled away. I wondered why it wouldn't go any farther for a moment, but then we were talking again. I wish I could remember the topic of our conversation, at least.
Thursday, January 6, 2005
I had a nightmare last night that my daughter got eaten by an alligator. It was a good dream to start with. Had my own home, it was in the mountains in the country... was talking to Shane's gfriend, listening to her prattle about new channels she was finding on satellite by plugging in different isp connections... then it just went suddenly horribly wrong. My son was whining about his shirt, which was red. I heard my daughter scream a coupleof times, but for some reason I was holding a green treefrog and staring at a mushroom. Then my mother's sister's husband cried, "He got her!" I looked up to see a giant alligator and my daughter's body being pulled under the water. I jumped into the water, wondering why I didn't have a knife, to save her. Grabbed her arm under the waterand started to pull her back to me, alligator and all. I was going to gouge that gator's eyes out if necessary. But we all know I'd have lost, so I guess that's why I woke up about then. I want her screams out of my mind dammit. *bursts into tears*
Sunday, January 2, 2005
The bear is back again. It's smaller, but it's still brown. It still lurks. I'm awake at 3:3:20 am because it just tried to take my other daughter. I had a soul daughter once. That's the way I like to put it - the result of my tryst with a succubus was born "astrally" one night. I didn't even know what was going on. I was 14. But the men in black suits took her from me - I named her Jennifer - and I spent the next several years in the dream world trying to steal her back. The bear would come and drive me away. It was a ferocious bear. And like my wedding dream, the child in my night world grew and grew. The last time I saw her, she was about 14. Blue eyes, beautiful blonde hair. She looked just like her father. I've been dreaming of camping. Or at least, I was tonight. And being alone, wanting a sexual companion perhaps. Not fantasizing, just feeling without. And my daughter approaching my tent. Three times tonight, three different dreams, I had to shout for my daughter to run into my tent before the bear got her. The bear only appeared when she walked into the scene. She'd stand there and stare at it, and it stared back. I was afraid. I'd have to shout, "MOVE!" just like in real life to get the child to obey. And the bear wouldn't try to get us in our tent, although in real life it would. This last time I couldn't fall back asleep. I wake up in anguish, usually. This time was compounded by the bear. So the bear is back again, this time for the other daughter.