Saturday, February 26, 2005
In my dream last night, you had a house near mine. It was wide and and open, and the outside walls were painted red. You were? dunno? more real? Or something. The house was full of younger guys and no Steve. You had a maid who was given an overdose by another maid, and she was dead in the bathroom a month before one of the guys found her. The guys were obnoxious cuz they were all shirtless with no faces and might as well have been models. You know, those cute shallow people I can't stand. Anyway, you came to my house to visit and you and I were hanging out on the tailgate of a red truck in the road when my Aunt Marsha came out (I hate her) to berate me for letting the kids go down the road by themselves. Geez, they're 9 and 11. Gimme a break, anyway there was the threat of losing them (again - that seems to be a theme lately). Hrm... and then there was a blonde baby. You were surrounded by the people we were hanging with, but I handed it to you for some strange reason. You didn't seem to know how to hold it, and I told you that the baby wasn't a cat and to hold it right. But then it turned into a cat, a grey one, and crawled on your shoulder and then mine. It was fluffy. Just spoke to Shadow, the girl who used to live where I put you. She just told me that her walls in her apt. are painted red and she does have a girl come in and clean on Fridays. Other than that? I'm sure this was only a dream, me filtering things that have happened in the past couple of days. But it WAS fucked up. You were all stiff with that kid in your arms. Mwahahaha.
Friday, February 18, 2005
It was a jumble of emotions I wish I could have expressed last night: nothing romantic, though, but they all had to do with the jerk. The part I remember most was him standing at the Boomtown wine counter with paperwork in his hand. Something important had come up - and Britaniana was there - and I'd had to interrupt him to talk to him. He snapped at me of course - he hates being interrupted. I told him, look... do I ever interrupt you unless its important? I never do. After a moment he agreed I was right, but his voice was still on edge. So I repeated myself. Don't snap at me for having to deal with business. I dunno. He was wearing white again. I figure I have to determine what this means, this excessive usage of the colour white.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
The other night, I dreamed of walking with the Jack. The places were brightly lit, white they were so bright, and in the last dream (there were four), I held his right hand with my left as we walked down a city street. We were talking as friends do in this time, and he was also dressed in white. Last night, I dreamed of the Jack several times again. There were bright colors in all of them, mostly the color red. In the final one, I'd went to Boomtown with them and we walked inside. And then we began to climb a long flight of stairs that were by folding chairs, like you would find in a movie theater. I was in a small black dress and wearing black high heels. At the bottom of the stairs, I stumbled and squealed in fear. The Jack kept going to the top (it was a really really long flight of stairs that were covered in red carpet). Tom'nJerry, who was with us, turned around to help me up. While he walked with me, he picked on me for being afraid of heights. The Jack had reached the top, he slipped through a door. Tom'NJerry and I were not far behind... once through the door... We were at the seating aisle of a roller coaster. Oh boy, a roller coaster. Yeah. I seem to have to face a lot of fucking fears around these guys, even in my sleep. I could see the safety bar you stand at while waiting to board a car and not much else because the darkness permeated just beyond it like ink. I reached my hands into the darkness and felt The Jack's soft hair in my hands. Okay, well, there's the Jack at least!! Then Tom'nJerry was helping me to get seated. I had to sit alone, to my frustration and fear. When the car started to move, that's how it began. We were in the very last car, and that worried me because of the way vibrations move objects, especially linked cars at the end of a train. Then my vision flashed, and I was watching myself line up pencils into a row. I told myself that this was how we were supposed to sit, and boom! Back to the roller coaster to find myself sandwiched between Tom'NJerry and the Jack. Jerry was on my left and the Jack was on my right. The roller coaster went out into a grey world, and I was apprehensive and quiet. I didn't buckle myself up right away, but when I finally did we went over a hill and into a loop. It wasn't a loopty loop, but one of those centrifugal force loops. I like those. ^-^ So the coaster went around and around, and our car was spun farther and farther out. I told myself I would not be afraid and enjoy this, and I think I succeeded a little. I worried about the speed and loops that were surely to come. The coaster slowed to a stop after the loop and just before I woke up, I wondered if somehow I'd managed to not watch the loops somehow.
Saturday, February 5, 2005
I was with the Jack in an old building. He beckoned me upstairs, so we went. All around us things were dark brown, deep shadowed and unkempt. Basically, it was in major disrepair. We got to the top, which I knew was going to be an apartment. I can't remember just how things went. I think he was telling me his plans for the place. At one point, however, he told me to look out the window. As the window was behind me, facing the door (which he was standing by), I turned around. I was a little afraid to look out the window because I knew we stood at an incredible height. But I approached the window anyway and looked out beyond the dark brown, lightless world of Jack's apartment. Cherry was suddenly there, standing to my right, also telling me to look out the window. The world outside was a surprise to me. I remember thinking that I never knew Jacksonville looked like this. In real life it doesn't. The city I saw in my dream was more like the New York you see in paintings and movies. There was a bridge in the distance. It was lit by hundreds of lights and gleamed silver-white in the night like the bridge to the Other Lands. The buildings before it stacked diagonally to the right, and all the windows were lit and even twinkling like stars. "What a beautiful view," I told Cherry. The Jack was standing just behind me; I could sense him but I did not turn around. I stepped back away from the window while they told me that yes, it was a gorgeous view, and that was why that place had been chosen...