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Tuesday, December 28, 2004


There is an old wives' tale that to dream of a wedding is to actually dream of a death or funeral. Just so, to dream of a funeral is to actually foretell a wedding. I believe the first half of that myth is true because before my grandmother died, I dreamed I was at the church for her wedding, and she ascended a spiral staircase in a beautiful wedding gown. She was young with black hair again and thin; very beautiful. The way I've always somehow remembered her, even though I was born when she was old. What does it mean, then, to dream of your own wedding? It's something I've been having a dream of repeatedly for as long as I can remember. It used to be that I was merely betrothed against my will, and I would run to dodge the situation. It was like Runaway Bride, but with a prince wondering where the hell I was while I took off. The dreams of the situation have occurred less and less as I have grown older. This morning as I woke up from two consecutive dreams, I realized that the event has also gotten closer and closer with each dream. Before, it was an unwelcome proposal. Lately, the dream ended with me trying to prepare for the sacred ceremony - not just any ceremony, a very special one. So like a knight in his vigil, I had to prepare in some special way. Last night... I actually put on the damn dress. Let me begin. The plot line is mostly jumbled from the first dream, so I cannot begin to recount it for you. There was a sheriff. There was me, there was my betrothed. There was a satin white dress with puffy sleeves and a thin waist. The images go in order like this a best I can tell: I am working underneath the sheriff somehow, but yet I'm not an employee. There are mysteries and prisoners. My fiance this time is not a prince or a strong red warrior or anything like that. (This is unusual.) But it is still arranged, but I forget how. He's a dark man, so I think he's of Hispanic origin somehow... a foreigner in my mind definitely... but he does not speak with a foreign accent. It is night, we are tired, the sheriff tells me not to sleep in the same bed with my fiance because he tosses in his sleep. But that's the only place TO sleep, so I do. There was no sex. I woke up with a purple nose, though, from where he hit me in his sleep. I think it was broken. I favored it the rest of the dream. We woke up on the morning of the wedding, so I put on that damn dress. While getting ready, I walked to the desk where the sheriff was and stepped on a pin needle. I pulled it out of my bare foot, and there was a note attached to it that the sheriff noticed (that I did not). He unrolled it. Written in red ink was a ransom note from 1976. It said that some person had stolen the ashes to the sheriff and deputy that had died back then. A crime mystery was just solved by this. The sheriff took off in his truck to track the criminals down. For some reason it was up to me to cook all of the food and make all of the reception preparations. I can't cook. The reception would be a disaster. Heh. I don't know if the next part was a second dream or just a jump in plot line, but it started with the smurfs. Remember the Smurfs? Yeeeaaah... when they were travelling somewhere, Brainy would always whine, "Are we there yet, Poppa Smurf?" Heh. I loved those little guys. So it's a mall setting, and the Smurfs are travelling in two lines. One is lead by Poppa Smurf and the other is lead by Brainy. They happened to cross paths, and Poppa Smurf somehow tricked Brainy so that his group could cross first. This devastated Brainy for some reason, and he wailed with a large mouth, "Poppa Smurf, how could you?!?" Poppa Smurf told Brainy that he would always pick his children first. This devastated Brainy further. He wailed louder and his line seemed to merge with Poppa Smurf's while the old smurf and his smurfs smurfed across the way. The area they were crossing looked like a bridge over a chasm to them, but it was a mall area so it could have been a banister for all we know. Someone was there looking at the mall map; a human. I was there, too, He pointed to the map and told me that the smurfs were headed to the wedding and he had to stop them. On the map was a blue pentacle that had been drawn through the mall; it represented the smurfs' path. The man told me that the smurfs were headed towards the ticket booth. Said ticket booth was a the final point to the star. It was then that it was revealed to me that the pentacle was drawn by two blue lines. Now that I am awake, I have to assume that each line was either Brainy's or Poppa Smurf's group. The lines were about to converge at wherever the ticket booth was. The man took off toward the ticket booth, and I also took off. I went a separate way, though, and was in a large hurry to get there first. I somehow was holding a brown binder; something hand written that had to do with evidence or the story or something. And then I came across a pool, for I had went to the second floor to get there faster and it was all pool. So in my wedding dress, I jumped in the water and tried to swim to get to the other side, which I knew would lead to the stairs down to the ticket booth and get me there faster. I wanted to just walk around the pool, but the water lapped up to the walls and I could not. So I swam as hard as I could, worried that the book was getting wet, smelling the chlorine and feeling my dress drag (but not hold me back, oddly enough). And that's where I woke up... swimming... dressed and on my way to the wedding. This is the farthest I have ever come in the wedding theme dreams. I'm very close now. And I'm still oblivious.

Friday, December 24, 2004

dream, MILAB

I dreamed about gateways again last night. They were gateways I had visited before, things I had done in my dreams before. I'm not sure about the plot line, though. But it started out eleven years ago. Eleven years ago, myself and a blond "sister?" (friend?) were in a large household. WE lived there, that was our home, and we were playing hide and go seek or something with the other kids. Somehow me and my friend stumbled through a mirror and ended up eleven years in the future. But we did not know that. Our mother, who was an overweight harsh woman with black hair in the style of the turn of the century - come to think of it just about every dress was similar to that as if inspired from it - was still the same. There were more kids around the house, tho, and we played with them. No one said a word to us. Don't ask me, but Frodo was there. Yeah, Frodo from the blockbuster movie. He showed me how to walk through one of the mirrors to go places, but told me never to do so in the winter. There were gateways in the house, apparently, but the time he showed me it only took me to the other side of the house. So me and my sister/friend were playing hide and seek with the other kids, and we decided to use the mirror to get to the other side of the house (it was huge. Think miniature Rosered) to get away from the kid who was "it." We bolted for the mirror, and almost got tagged, but melted through just in time. Just beyond was a closet door, so we opened it. There was a nother closet door, and another and another. I locked the third behind me, remembering that it had a little nail lock from another dream. I remember turning my head just before reaching that 3rd door and seeing Frodo on the other side of the mirror. He was shaking his head "no!" in urgency, trying to tell us not to go through the gate. I remembered he had said something about winter, but I was determined. I was already on my way, so we kept going through the gates and at the end somehow (I forget how) had to dive in water. And up we came, but there was ice! (Which I thought strange as we broke through) We came up sopping wet and walked out into the house, only things were different. Very different. The house was more American, ranch style for starters. There were fences, electric ones, everywhere. We explored, and I was confused. We started to go down the long driveway but there was a blackbear sleeping by the metal gate. So I turned us around, and we walked back toward the house, looking for a way in through the fences. Don't ask me how but my friend turned into a black bear and I got her to ride me for a few feet until I realized she was a bear and I let go. Somehow we got in. WE snuck in through the side somehow. We came upon a darkish room with the kids there. They were our siblings, but they were... well... nice. People here were nice. That was fucked, for me, cuz I knew something was off. The boy and two girls giggled at us coming and apparently didn't recognize us. One of them, the youngest (who was about 7 or 9) was still in diapers. The others were about our age or older when we used to be older. We somehow got out the door and to the main room where our mother was. She was holding a picture of her holding her eldest son, a brother I remembered but hadn't seen in the dream, and the eldest son was gravely hurt .She was grieving. tHe picture was very cartoonish - in my style even - and drawn in red. While listening to her explain to us what had happened to him (some accident) I finished drawing his legs for her. Thre was another adult standing to my left during this. At this point they told us that we looked like the siblings who had disappeared eleven years ago. The shock to me was astounding. I was like, do the fuck what? Then I remember *our* version of home and how things had changed and realized that's what had happened. We'd been jumped forward eleven years. And somehow me and my sibling/friend decided we had to leave. So we started for the mirror, but when we got there we found a .. well it was made of brick and looked Roman and it was a door. WE opened it. There was another. We opened it. There was another. On and on for twelve doors or so. AT this point I was getting real nervous. Then the family came in behind us, wondering what we were doing. We opened and shut doors and went as fast as we could, trying to reach and get through the gate before they caught us. AT the end, I had to break the final door. The doors had been getting smaller and smaller, until finally I punched the last one. All of the doors fell forward and we were in a cavern or something. The door slabs fell to the dark earth below, and I thought, "We have to jump in THAT?" Then I noticed that just above eye level was a tiny window; a window to our house. As fast as I could, I opened it. OUR mother was sitting on the other side. Just in time! The family had come up behind - sweet bumbling people that they were. "Mother,"I said through the window, "Tell everyone here they're not allowed to be here!" She looked up and snapped, "You people are not allowed back there! Get out!" Because she looked just like THEIR mother, they believed her and went "Awwww." Clearly they were deflated. Then I said, "Mother, tell them I'm on restriction and have to go in now!' She snarled and said so. She clearly enjoyed punishing me. And that's how me and my sibling/sister/brother (ever since we found out we were the missing brothers, our sex was in doubt) escaped and went home. There was a final view of what happened to the "nice" family. They'd taken the wrong gateway out and somehow ended in another alternate of our house. There was a tall building being build on the spot and everything was cleared away. The family sat ona blanket just beyond the construction, but at the top of a tower the house was being built. And the nice mother was complimenting the construction workers in a lustful way so that they all threw things at her. I can't remember the final event, I was coming into wakefulness at that point..... but yeah. More gateways. Reference to the damn eleven year thing. I blame you. *point*

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

dream, MILAB

Was I me or someone else? I thought I was me. My hair was just as long, but light brown with waves (when I thought about it). I was in the navy. Or something like that. I worked on a submarine, a lowly type person, and we were at war with someone. You could hear gunshots outside, so that at the beginning of the dream I thought I was on a ship and not a submarine. The other sailors there told me, no, we were hearing the "land mines" and battle above us. What happened? I'm not sure. THe submarine was swimming through it, we were at some giant... structure? A dock but also a city? I don't know if we were fighting for this place, but there were indeed mines in the water. And we tried going around them. But somehow that didn't work and the sailors had to abandon ship. So I did with the rest. There were seals there, and I painted my entire body dark metallic blue, even under my fingernails, and I swam with the seals. There were other sailors who were in swimsuits. They told me I could never fool the seals, but I swam through the water poles of the dock around and around and the seals barked. I swam and underwater I barked and clapped my hands, and someone exclaimed that I was indeed a seal. So I ended up on the beach, and there were campsites there - they were from "my people," whomever that was. Natives, yes of course - probably a big deal because I NEVER dream of other reds unless its something important. Somehow I was chieftess, and somehow I was pregnant, and somehow I went into labor. The women clustered around me while I screamed and gave birth there on the sand - I can't remember if it was in a hut or somewhere else, all I knew was I was giving birth - but the baby was stillborn. It would have been a boy. A dark boy. I grieved, but did not show it as the small tribe (there were probably seven or nine or so of us) tried to cope with life on the seashore. Our huts were mere leanto's, and they wore only something around their waist and conch shells in their hair. Their faces were never clear; more background color than anything while I was still painted up like a mock-seal. I had to go back to battle, so I did and the seals there knew me. I can't recall what happened there, only that my "grandmother" appeared. She was brown and walked tall and had conch shells in her hair. She crossed the jetty to reach the tribe, and as soon as I saw her I left the water and was a brown haired human again. I flew into her arms, crying. She held me, and I told her my baby died. I cried about the boy over and over, thinking he was only 3 lbs when he was born. She said he was born too early, but I kept crying even though she told me to hush. The tribe looked down or away: my emotion made them uncomfortable. When I woke up, remembering that scene, I felt like the dream was telling me that I'd left my job behind to grieve and the people didn't like that - that I had a job to do, no time for feeling.

Saturday, December 18, 2004


It started with me and Pixie driving around. We were in one of those places in my dream world again: the woodsie mountainy part with the swingset I call Canada. Something about the United States had driven us up there, finally, but it was at my suggestion. There was a playground with people.. this part is sketchy.. Rachel was there, so I swung next to her, trying to include her. But then I was home again, and Pixie was there. He was living with me?? in my bedroom, but he snuck out the backdoor just as I did to take a walk. Only he wasn't taking a walk, he was dressed in black and carrying a backpack. I asked him if he was leaving or some such, but he ignored me. Don't ignore me! It's not like I don't konw what yo'ure up to! SoI went back inside to grab this things. I told him I was throwing all of his belongings onto the lawn, that I knew he and Rachel had gotten a place together and he was leaving me completely. When I got to my bedroom, all of his things were already gone except for four items: an ashtray and a couple of other things. They were all black. So I carried them out - they were slightly heavy being marble - and I threw them at him. I was so angry at him and so hurt. There was a grey looking bus/car (sort of like the one me and the Jack caught in our dream in the car trap), and it stopped to pick him up. Yeah, I told him, I knew he and Rachel had gotten a place together. What's wrong with that? he asked me defensively. In that moment, I had a sense of gaining my true form. It wasn't something I did consciously so much as I just kinda knew that I was a teeny little blue-black streaky haired elf-thing with furious violet eyes. For one thing, I lost a couple of inches in height and my rage and injustice mounted. I jabbed my finger at the Pixie, hitting his left shoulder and cried, "What's wrong?!? You promised that when you got her, you wouldn't do this to me! That's what's wrong! You promised!!" After that is kinda hazy... I woke up... thinking yeah. He did promise. Just like all the others.

Thursday, December 16, 2004


The woman across the street that was my mother's sister until she married a white man, went Xtian and took to calling us "trash" and trying to be above her birth ... lives across the street, as I've alluded already. Her house is big and white, fenced in. She and it were in my dream. But they were almost background color. The dream is sketchy now, of course. I remember that her yard was covered in water. The water was green and full of algae; it was very unhealthy for swimmers. It had no fish and no other life in it. It was just stagnate dirty water. I forget were I was going to, but I travelled often in this dream. At one point I had a tall fuzzy man of a companion, but he only stood by my left side as if guarding me. There was a moment of fear, but I can't recall what happened now. There was mostly the water. I had to swim in it. The water was nowhere else in the neighborhood, just piled high over the woman's yard. And her gate had become a gateway, with the opening being a 6 pointed star... at least I think it had six sides... as I would pass through I'd notice that it were a hexagram or something but was more interested in swimming past the water before I suffocated than anything. So I'd go to the gate and swim into it, and I'd swim through the water where her yard once was. And by this I ended up in the various locations, as I have mentioned before. I only remember two of them. One was a house by the sea. It had three stories, and I'd been there before in other dreams. I did not stay there long. The other was a place where a woman stood guard by the doorway. This is whenI had my companion with me, and the woman across the street had brought us. I believe this was our first trip. We went to the door, and I think it was the door to a church. THe building was dark brown, as was the woman's hair, and she looked hateful. She wasn't going to let us in, even though we were both artists (I don't know how i knew this). I grew angry at her attitude and started to walk away. She opened her mouth to say something about God and Xtians, and I said, "No...!" I forget what else I said but it was to the effect of that the moment she started in on her Xtian crap I knew I didn't want in. I did dream a nifty slogan. Someone was wearin ga black t-shirt (and they were somehow me or something) that read, "Walk the rope as if it's well insured." I'll polish it up. Use that. The gate was neat. The star was a modified star of david with a full metal alchemist over theme. The star itself was two overlapping triangles surrounded by a circle. There was a second smaller circle on the inside so that the tips of the star made more circles. When I went to go thorugh it, the inside would open because it was overlapping triangular pieces of metal or summin. The gate was kinda corroded or summin. BUt in good shape. Just.. weathered and off color?

Sunday, December 12, 2004


Never wait a whole day to record your dream - you'll have forgotten most of it,which I have, despite vows not to as I crawled out of bed. There was something people dressed in medieval clothing, and although I said they were 14th century my brother (whomever he was, not one I have now) said they were 11th century. Turned out he was right as I checked in a book I had of periodic fashion. Something big was happening in this dream, too, but alas I cannot remember it now. How vexing. EDIT 2014: So... I was talking to the one I was twinned with probably.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Dream, MILAB

I worked in a military compound, although it looked more like a rebel base. The building was one of those low buildings - something like one of those old trucker hotels - that was converted. It was run down and filthy, and it was in the middle of nowhere. By the middle of nowhere I mean there was nothing around it, and the terrain was dirtland. The roads were dirt. There were tanks, sort of, rather like background color in the beginning. There was a group of people, something like a councel that was lead by five people or so. I forget how the hierarchy goes. Men and a woman. The woman had black hair that was cut in a low fly back so that it layered right at her chin. SHoulderlength. A real bitch. She was mean to me throughout the dream, but I forget how. I was nothing in the dream; a nobody. I forget my job. Pixie was there - I forget how he got there. He was taller than me, his skin was paler (although he still had his little philipino face) and he was wearing a red shirt (totally unlike him). Something the black haired woman did pissed him off when we were in the front yard. He looked down at first, but he lost his temper anyway (also not like him) and he started screaming at her, telling her to fuck off. She also was screaming, putting her little face up as much as possible towards his. He grabbed her face with these enormous hands, as if he were going to break her neck, while they yelled at each other. I ducked beneath his arms to get inbetween them, and I pushed back by his chest/shoulders. I kept saying, "Pixie! Pixie! Calm down.. think about the tiger! Concentrate on the waterfall, meditate on the tiger! The tiger!" In my mind I knew I was trying to tell him to meditate and control his anger like in the monkery, but I also knew that a tiger was the last thing to concentrate on. But I cried this to him anyway, pushing him away as hard as I could to save the woman. (At the gymn I press 80 to 100 lbs on my legs, but it was a hard fight to push him back.) After a minute, he said, "She's not worth it," and turned his back on the affair. I went back to work as if it was nothing. But the event meant Pixie and I had to flee the compound as fast as possible.I remember thinking, "But I saved her life!" while I got ready to flee. We were at the high fence (which was littered all around it) trying to find a way out, when someone inside the compound shot the woman dead. Tanks started to come from far away to address the issue... the leader was dead? I think? I don't know. I wasn't afraid... I knew we wouldn't be pinned for it because we had already begun to leave, but yet we were still trying to get out. I woke up about that point to learn that Pixie's best friend Rachel had had a similar dream, only she stabbed the black haired woman who turned into someone else and fled. Instead of tanks there were old busses.

Saturday, July 24, 2004

Alien Nation? (dream)

There were 3 space aliens: mom, dad and baby. Mom was fuschia, Dad was.. no wait, Mom was purple, Dad was fuschia, and the baby was.. um.. can't remember. And they'd taken over an American space craft because they thought it was abandoned. THey had it fixed up real nice. They had things around their heads. Mom's were colored light bulbs, Dad's were colored hooks, and I can't remember baby's. The American government, when they discovered this alien family, had them removed. I don't know what planet they ended up on, but it was earthlike. They were the only aliens there, and all of the U.S. were against them. It was sad, really. I defended the aliens to a general at some point, and he was like "is that so?" and I was like "SO!" and next I know, the damn calvary is after me. THey had an empty horse in their ranks. I stole it, or was thinking of stealing it, to get away, but then I woke up.

Saturday, May 29, 2004


I had a pair of shoes! And there were aliens that were melting people with glowing, neo-green worms! And they melted the lead lady! And my shoes were red and white babyshoes,but I was wearing them! And I could fly, but for some stupid fucking reason I didn't! I ran into the woods and the fat lady alien thing was chasing me!! BRRRR!!!!

Friday, May 28, 2004


Such dreams last night. I was with my mate, in his black 2004 car, in a parking lot somewhere. I don't know if it was Kyra, in my dreams it might have been. I can't say, because I'd cried myself to sleep. But in the dream were coupled, entwined, and loved one another in a way he never would in life. The backseat was our bed. And we lay there, done, beneath my jacket which somehow covered us both. People walked by us, glared int he windows. He was asleep. A policeman came and demanded we leave, so we did. Without my mate, I came home and there were people digging holes in my yard so they could sleep. I passed out blankets, but there wasn't enough to keep everyone warm. I fretted, because it was going to get very cold, and I tried very hard to work out an arrangement for everybody so they each could have their own hole and be warm. There were some people who shared their space, and they needed fewer blankets of course. I had to sleep alone, though, but in doing so I knew I was going to freeze to death because I had given most of my blankets away.

Thursday, May 27, 2004


We'd moved, and we were poor.. it was the Fernandina version of New Jersey. So last night I sort of relived the darkest period of my life. Many details were changed dramatically. The boy wouldn't go to bed. He kept trying to follow us in the road, but finally I had the children settled. Child welfare came. I demanded someone of our nation and told the two White women to get out of my home. The White women became Black women and still I pointed them to the door. I was sent to a Hopi caseworker in his earth home. He looked like someone I had seen at a poetry reading a few months ago. Tall, rounded, big-boned, black bushy ponytail. I explained to him how my son had done well when he had a case worker (for his emotional problems) that had been reservation-trained, and how the minute we moved to NJ things went very bad. How the people there told us that we had to just "adapt to a White world" and how things got steadily worse because they were more interested in molding him and harming us than they were in understanding and helping. I told him that this was why - now that I had both children again - I wasn't going to stand for it. He said that the White woman I turned away was his friend. I told him that it didn't matter. He said that being poor did not mean one was abusive or unfit. I said that was exactly my point. (Thinking of New Jersey) He told me that my case was cleared, that I was a good mother. I went home to an empty house, for while I spoke to the man the White women had come and stolen my children away. The revisited grief is the same, despite the change in circumstance. In real life I sent my son away to protect him from the hands of an abusive White bigot, and I still have custody today for all he lives with his father for now. In my dream, both of my children were stolen. I tried calling my father (although in real life he wouldn't have done a damn thing) but could not get through. I lost my job because of it: I couldn't go to work, because I was desperately searching. There were people around me, but they only watched. When I saw a caseworker I demanded my children back, but I might as well as been invisible. The dream changed at some point, and I was once again in my parents' neighborhood. A barrel of my belongings had been stolen off of the side of the road, and I was looking for them. I knew they had been buried. The children still had not been returned, and this was in the back of my mind. Two men came down the road with shovels, picked an empty driveway and started to dig. I went to them and told them straight up that if they had my barrel they were giving it back. They stopped digging and said that anything found on private property belonged to the property owner. For some odd reason a tall city worker (for lights maybe) appeared from my left. He had some red on him. It was his equipment; a belt of tools and whatnot. He pointed out a city marker that was behind the men and told them that whatever was here was public property, and as such I had the right to reclaim it. It almost started a physical confrontation. One of the thieves was very tall, and he said something that pissed me off. Being very small, I couldn't quite reach a particular height. I tried to punch his nose anyway. The people around me laughed, but I didn't care. I tried again. I wanted very much to hurt this man. And my children still had not been returned. The alarm rang, ending the dream. I wonder what was in that barrel.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

High Chairs (dream, visitation)

I slept much of the day away yesterday because a fugue had decended over me. I considered myself tired, and I gave in. I slept for hours, abut it wasn't until I had gotten up for a moment, socialized, and went back to bed that I realized my assumptions were incorrect. I lay there in the bed Watching things the way I often do. There were desk-chairs such as one would find in a traditional classroom setting. They had switched at one point, and the one I possessed now had been passed to me at some previous time. I do not know how much previous. When you're Inhuman, thirty seconds could be a hundred thousand years. Someone said to me,"I want you to pass (on) your chair." The voice was melodic, but synthetic. The colors that resonated from it were pure, but they were also colors that I have no human name for. I do not know if I knew the voice or not, but I felt no fear. I opened my eyes and stared at my wall for a moment, registering what had just happened. Immediately, my response was "Fat chance!" I did not feel any particular emotion except a faint curiosity. There was, too, a stoic stubborness. Who was this to tell me what to do? Better yet, let me Order them to pass on Their chair. Let us see where they will sit then!

Friday, May 14, 2004


I dream of it on occasion. It's old, an old Plantation house, and it has a small graveyard in the back. It's abandoned and in severe disrepair, and everytime I drive by it or walk by it or whatever I am doing, I stop and sneak past the chainlink fence around it (it's in an old downtown area, like Fernandina Beach or St. Augustine... colonial.. or something) and I walk around it. One time I even went into it. And always I spend most of the dream wishing to the gods I could buy it, fix it up, save it from crumbling to dust.... even though its haunted and cursed. So it was there again last night as me and my friend Margaret rode around. I can't remember what we were up to.. mostly nothing, I think. We stopped at a park and I played. Then on the way home, we went through the house's back yard for some strange reason. There was a preacher living there suddenly and his pretty wife. I stopped to talk to them, and by this time Margaret was gone. It's a pity because Margaret was the most brightly colored thing in the dream. I was asking the preacher about the graveyard in the back, and I only slightly took personal note that his clothing was slightly old fashioned. He was dressed in black with a high white color, button like Men in Black, but my mind told me this was a 1900's shirt. But I continued to write notes and as I was writing, he asked me to quote something. I happened to look down at my writing while he spoke and I noticed that I'd accidentally written the word "death" instead of something else. It was like seeing double for a moment as I watched myself look back at the man in astonishment while I furiously looked down and scribbled out the word in panic. All this from those points of view while I stood to my own left and watched it happen. I said, "You're DEATH!" and the little narrator in my mind said, "Yep, the clairvoyance doesn't lie." The preacher looked at me blankly for a moment, but he did not deny it. By this time, the pretty wife had vanished and it was just he and I on the house's backporch. "Why do you want me so badly?" I cried. Death discarded his human vicage to become a black shadow of the likes I haven't seen in ages. He grew and slid towards me while his eyes and mouth, now round holes as they melted into his true form, gaped. I could see the house through him. He said, "Haven't you figured it out yet?" and wrapped himself around me. His mouth cupped by my neck and left ear, and I thought he was going to devour me then and there. I was wrapped completely in him, and all I could see was his chocolately brown-black darkness. I did not struggle, because I knew what to do. I opened my mouth, and I began to suck up his essence. I bit and sucked and swallowed, and I could feel my fangs (which I rarely reveal), and soon he jerked once, jerked twice, and then jerked away and left me there alone in the house's backyard. That'll teach the motherfucker, won't it. *grin*

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Crooked Little Man (dream)

There were houses, an entire neighborhood of them. I and my son were there, with a realtor. Everything was pastel rose and white; pale greens and soft colors. My son played in the driveways while the realtor talked to me about buying houses. There was one house we came to while the realtor was away that was locked. The old woman within had died long ago, I knew, and the house was up for sale. My son went in through the basement somehow and unlocked the front door. We went inside. It was like stepping into the 30's. All the pastel colors were still there, but there were also beds and lots of small bedrooms. It was a typical house for back then with tiny square feet and old fashioned furniture - the lower middle class kind. The beds were made with dark bedspreads; they were the only dark colors in the place. There was a room with dolls hanging on hangers in one of those movable closets. Doilies decorated a dresser. I wanted this house. I was madly in love with it. The realtor came and I mentioned buying it, even though I knew I had no money. I'd want it even if it is right by the highway, I said. The realtor said that I wouldn't want it, that it would be difficult to get in and out because of the traffic which was zooming by at incredible paces. I didn't care, and inside I even built a map. I know a way to get in and out without worrying about the traffic. Well, I suppose if one must live without a home, dreams will sometimes try to soothe you.

Thursday, April 8, 2004


1:20 AM There were five people in white button up shirts, and we were having a good conversation. Then 7:30 AM There was a point in the beginning in which I told myself to record this. I had a companion with me - and as always I could only see a glimpse of him or her from the corner of my eye. It's rough being blind. The story began inside myself, which is to say I was telling my companion a tale. Now that I am awake, I see and understand the metaphors I had to use. Oft I wonder how the other perspectives catch them and how they translate, for there were many visuals. I narrated very little. It was the early American wilderness - swamps - before wooden towns and cartroads - the travellers were crossing into the deepness. There was a young boy who was leading his subculture behind the higher ranked. We could not see the higher ranked in this; they were only known to be there, and they were not even leading the expedition in the end. The boy was leading them all, for all he walked in the middle. He was a slave, and he considered himself to be leading his brother. People crossed bodies of water in flatbottom boats covered in strange markings that were carved into the deep brown wood, and when they reached the tiny pieces of land where they would spend the night, they slept in pools of water (which the mortal part of me thought an odd metaphor). The waters were usually stagnated or filled with baby mosquitos. The higher ranked ones promised that when everyone reached their destinations, the pools of water would be clean and fresh. The boy had short, white-blond hair and a strong physique - he was the stereotypical hero figure. He was a slave, understand, yet he would be lead even the leaders through the wilderness? The slaves' bodies were covered in red tattoos - things I had not thought to see, that old language - and wore red sun-kilts with red disk at the front. More strange markings adorned the cloth; these people loved sigils, it seems. The rest of their mortal bodies were bare. The boy cared only for the welfare of his brother, and near the end as my story began to close, the party crossed the swamp waters to another island where water sat in one of those vinyl pools for toys. It was filled with baby mosquitos, silver fish and another animal that I cannot remember nor name. I said, "Let me clean this water." The boy had disappeared, and it was I that pulled down the side of the pool to pour the critters on the ground. The people watched, waiting and hoping for a clean place to rest. I grabbed a waterhose and took off the spraygun to thrust the running thing into the pool. Someone approached me... one of the leaders... and somehow I was called Wonder Woman, but whether that was from the large one (the leader) or my companion, I cannot say.

Tuesday, April 6, 2004


Dreamed of the gathering of souls again last night. It's a recurring theme in such dreams. Either we're gathering and preparing or we've gathered, not going to take it anymore, and the government comes and shoots our children.

 This time is was a campout gathering in the woods such as subcultures have on occasion. I was reminded of Walking the Thresholds, which I've attended two or three times. At first I wasn't there, I was in my backyard where the trailways grow wide in the realm of dreams and split. The trees spoke to me, especially the big one, but dammed if I remember what was said. I followed the water outwards, to the highway, and my car broke down.

There were people I knew - one of them was my mate - who was too busy partying to be serious and help. My father was also goofing off. Furious, I went home without them and seethed.

 To the gather, then, where the boy children were hidden away in one area and the girl children in another. There were werewolves, but this was not a bad thing, as I travelled from area to area as I do. The leader of the gather resented my presence - some really old bad blood - and the two women who followed him eyed me angrily when they could find me to see me.

There was a microphone where people got up, and sometimes they sang. Dreaming Squirrel got on the mic for a moment, even. His was the only face I recognized that evening. The microphone was near a small fire in a sheltered copse.

 I offered to tell a story, and the people running the gather said perhaps later - during storytime. I wanted to sing - I have a voice, a good one, and I never get to use it. But I could not think of a good song for them. I walked away, disappointed that they would not let me share this part of myself, and through where the boys slept.

 Little Indian (red like me) Children with glittering black eyes, I crawled past them. Someone was with me, I do not know who they were, that matched my pace. A friendly person; a werewolf maybe. I smelled wolves right about then, and I vibrated to match the wolves. Camouflage.

 I was walking down the main trail, just walking, when the leader in furs and antlers came around the corner behind, just past the boys. He glared at me, I looked at him, then he entered his tent. The emotion of "You are not welcome" was strong. The two women - one was blonde - followed him in, and they closed the flap on me.

Monday, March 22, 2004

The Goddess (dream)

At first it was an older man and I, and I was making a Chinese shirt. We were discussing the sleeves, and I told him (as the book flipped in front of the eyes at the same time we were climbing ladders and attending to everyday business) that to have long sleeves would have meant he were royalty. The sleeves were set a certain way because you were not supposed to use your hands. He was wearing blue - Chinese rabble - but was a nice guy. He didn't want fancy sleeves, he only wanted functional sleeves. The dream changed, or perhaps it was another dream. She (or myself in a past life) was kept in a tall place, and her room was large and full of nice things. She was young, about fourteen or so, and I was in her body, watching her life and thinking. She was the emporer's wife, and I'm not sure if she had a baby or not. I was still thinking of the sleeves. Her two ladies in waiting attended to matters while I walked in her body. I wondered how she would care for her child, when she had one. I pictured the nursemaids shifting her body for her so she could nurse. The emporess thought to herself that she would like it to rain. It did rain. The thunder boomed in the distance and I could hear the water falling outside. The emporess rushed to the window while the nursemaids ignored her, and I floated outside. She was a toddler, our emporess, and before I departed her body she thought, "I can make it rain!" She was a very plump Chinese child and smiled and made delighted noises as she looked out at the passing rain. I knew the rain was only a passing shower, and I groaned "oh no" to myself as I realized she now thought she was a goddess. Her hair was pulled into a tight pony tail, and it was decorated with fern leaves of some sort. It was an interesting headdress and I wondered at the meaning of it, that an emporess should be wearing some of that kind. She was otherwise naked, as many toddlers were in those days.

Friday, March 19, 2004


She wanted to be free, and to receive her desire. So, incense was lit before I fell asleep. I could only hope I would make it. We were talking, this girl and I. Things were not as they are here. It was mostly blacks and whites, and although her hair is long and blonde, I stood there looking at a short, darkhaired Naomi with the color yellow over her, although my eye could not see the color. Things had a most particular negative image feel, as if the colors were all in reverse, and yet they were not. Bits of white dabbed areas like neon lights. She wore... a battle suit, one of the old old old ones. In my dream it was a familiar site, but now that I am awake I'm a bit nostalgic. ;-P It was basically a black body suit with many belts and a small vest. I draw parts of it sometimes on Malek, when I work Battle of Angels. I did not see any wings. The conversation was an importantone, and so I woke up abruptly specifically to tell myself to remember this. Even then I could not remember the conversation. NOTE: I got her suit right. She was impressed.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004


I'd asked for dreams from the gods night before last, but all I woke up with were impressions of hanging out with people I knew and regarded as friends. There was a red Chinese shirt on one, with gold embroidery. I wonder if it was that guy who attacked me. Anyway, that's all I got out of a request for teaching dreams. A good time. And no, I'm not complaining. I went to the clinic yesterday, and they stuck me in a teensy room to wait. I feel asleep while waiting, and I had a dream about a symbol that was on a chain like a necklace. It was red, and although it was a necklace it also was not made of tangible materials. It represented something big, like the world or the otherkin community, and I stood there before it. To my right and left were two people who also held the pendant. The one to my left wanted to change the symbol with another, new symbol. I objected - it wasn't right to change things like that I said. He presented his symbol, and it was made of the same material as the first and was written in the same language - a Chinese or Japanese word - and he switched his in place for the older. I grabbed the older as the one to my right went to throw it away, saying no we cannot do this. We cannot change the meanings like that. And then I woke up. Last night's dream involved fire. Often, I dream of the woods around here. They have pockets and ley lines in real life, so that when I dream of them they are a world unto themselves. So I was in there again last night, I can't remember what I was running from, but I had friends with me. We were also camping, I think, or travelling. There was a homeless fellow that crossed the large path that cuts through the woods, and I took notice of him from our campfire. He looked very hungry, so we offered him food. He was wearing a business suit, but he didn't look like he'd washed or shaved in weeks. We followed him back to his camp, which (as always when I dream of these woods) was in a back area where I tend to put trains, old busses, abandoned buildings, etc. This time is was an old stable, and he had it filled with metal, shiney objects. I think it was a forge of sorts, now that I reflect upon it, but in the dream I thought to myself he must've lost everything for all the shed was full of things. There was a coffee pot, and it was cooking, but when I touched it to get people their drinks, everything was set on fire. My companions sat by the friend-fire and did not notice, although I pointed it out. I felt incredibly guilty. The homeless fellow walked over and put it out once, but it started up again. I have impressions of the fire department or perhaps an investigation of some kind, and me taking my daughter and leaving very quickly. I'm such a coward. Hee.

Thursday, February 12, 2004


We were teenagers again, although we never were together, and we drove around in his big red truck. His name is Eric, and he's a mulatto (important in this dream) and one of my best friends. I've known him almost 12 years now. We went to his house, which was somehow the house at the end of my street, and went inside. His mother (whome I have never met except on the phone today briefly) was a little Oriental woman. She cleaned house with bustling energy, vacuuming. I made her 37 or so and her hair was a cute little black bob. I never saw her face. Something was wrong in the family, and Eric sat on the couch. I sat on a chair. Politely, he kept talking to me but it was obvious he wanted me to leave so he could deal with his family. I didn't want to go so I lingered. Visited Eric today (after the dream, after I was awake) and told it to him. Turns out his father had heart surgery yesterday, but he is doing fine.

Tuesday, February 3, 2004


I've been ill. Last night I finally took some Nyquill and went to bed. While waiting to fall asleep, i could swear I saw Bast standing over me. She didn't see me, she was looking off into the distance. She wore green. Being half out of my head from illness and drugs, i began to petition her for petty little things. Shiney toenails, you name it. Next thing I know, my vision is filled with this green eyeball. I asked, "Where did Bast go?" No answer, but I figured hell, this must be Bast's eye. But I was too sick to think to poke it. Then I dreamed that I'd fallen asleep in my Literature class and got woke up as the class was discussing the assignment that was due today. Exhaustion colored my thoughts like a slow haze. What a night.