Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Grrrr... It was the jerk and I again, the night before last, in that black inbetween space. We were close, very close, and he lay me down. I held my legs together, knees up, while saying somehow... with yellow light?... that I did not want to. He grabbed my knees and pried my legs open, then bent down for a kiss while, almost anime style, I suffered a stream of insecure thoughts about the state of my body. I was pale.. peach.. and hairless... and not fat like in real life. More close to my true form, which from a waking view point is NOTHING to be insecure about. Silly me. The Jack kissed me there in the middle. It was a long kiss, but not sexual. It was a kiss just like the ones where he kissed my breast in the other dreams. Just as I began to wonder why I didn't feel anything, he got up - I noticed he was wearing white - turned and walked away, melting into the darkness. My first waking thought was, and I quote, "Something has to be done about this, and now!" I don't mean getting him to requite either. Human emotions... pheh! *scratches white doggie ear and sulks* Another reptilian encounter?
Sunday, January 16, 2005
reptilian encounter? I shouldn't be dreaming this way, but I did. I did and I have. Last night it was me and the jerk from Boomtown. We weren't anywhere special. It was like the last time I dreamed about him; we were in a nothingness. That grey in between space of astral. I can't remember what we were discussing. Can I kiss you? Sure, I said. He kissed me on the clavicle (just like that other dream) and ran his hands along my neck, through the roots of my hair. I could feel his hands. We met in a full kiss. It was forceful and strong. And then he pulled away. I wondered why it wouldn't go any farther for a moment, but then we were talking again. I wish I could remember the topic of our conversation, at least.
Thursday, January 6, 2005
I had a nightmare last night that my daughter got eaten by an alligator. It was a good dream to start with. Had my own home, it was in the mountains in the country... was talking to Shane's gfriend, listening to her prattle about new channels she was finding on satellite by plugging in different isp connections... then it just went suddenly horribly wrong. My son was whining about his shirt, which was red. I heard my daughter scream a coupleof times, but for some reason I was holding a green treefrog and staring at a mushroom. Then my mother's sister's husband cried, "He got her!" I looked up to see a giant alligator and my daughter's body being pulled under the water. I jumped into the water, wondering why I didn't have a knife, to save her. Grabbed her arm under the waterand started to pull her back to me, alligator and all. I was going to gouge that gator's eyes out if necessary. But we all know I'd have lost, so I guess that's why I woke up about then. I want her screams out of my mind dammit. *bursts into tears*
Sunday, January 2, 2005
The bear is back again. It's smaller, but it's still brown. It still lurks. I'm awake at 3:3:20 am because it just tried to take my other daughter. I had a soul daughter once. That's the way I like to put it - the result of my tryst with a succubus was born "astrally" one night. I didn't even know what was going on. I was 14. But the men in black suits took her from me - I named her Jennifer - and I spent the next several years in the dream world trying to steal her back. The bear would come and drive me away. It was a ferocious bear. And like my wedding dream, the child in my night world grew and grew. The last time I saw her, she was about 14. Blue eyes, beautiful blonde hair. She looked just like her father. I've been dreaming of camping. Or at least, I was tonight. And being alone, wanting a sexual companion perhaps. Not fantasizing, just feeling without. And my daughter approaching my tent. Three times tonight, three different dreams, I had to shout for my daughter to run into my tent before the bear got her. The bear only appeared when she walked into the scene. She'd stand there and stare at it, and it stared back. I was afraid. I'd have to shout, "MOVE!" just like in real life to get the child to obey. And the bear wouldn't try to get us in our tent, although in real life it would. This last time I couldn't fall back asleep. I wake up in anguish, usually. This time was compounded by the bear. So the bear is back again, this time for the other daughter.