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Saturday, August 28, 2010

Council on High

Loki was on a cloud nearby as Choshu and I read cards. He offered his service. At first he said it was free. When I didn't buy into it and asked him what he got out of the deal, he said he would do it for a bottle of wine. Choshu fell for it. So did Lhung when I told him later. I guess you have to know a trickster very well to catch when they're fooling you. Deals were made, but I no longer have hope for anything. "You were gaining lucidity all along," the Fishbowl pointed out as negotiations happened. Yes, I told them. But the masters caught on and they put me back to square one. I need help, and I find no such thing with the mortals. Not that, nor loyalty, nor even a husband willing to defend his family. .... Wake time visions.... Had another nightmare last night. Tim went to a super soldier program and was physically enhanced. He was given the tube by which the liquid would be poured into your body. He felt that it was stupid how they handled the super drug: by keeping it in a locked box and refusing access unless there was dire need. We were at a two building hotel for this. And he left me behind again; on the cell phone in the pool talking to others while I wondered where he was. When he came out to talk to me, I wanted to push him in the water and leave him there. But it was the shallow end of the pool and I was afraid it would hurt him. We were talking up to get in the elevator to go to our room when I was woke up with him calling to talk to me. ... don't think I can take much more of this.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

mkultra, vision

"to the fallen: we salute you" he writes in his blog. That's all I have to go on. That and: 0120 hours or so, I wake up and lay in bed. Wide awake. Unable to rest. Everything is uncomfortable. Something is wrong. But I'm laying there trying to go back to sleep. I'm thinking about documents and things. Over and over in my mind: technical information. Technical technical. Which is an automatic comfort for me, to go technical, even though I didn't know what I needed comfort from. I wasn't aware of it at first, but the comment was burbling up from a deep well inside of me. It was like it came out of the locked box where the darker things are supposed to sleep. "Read it to me." "Read it to me." "Read it to me." I realized I was being told to read the document that I apparently was supposed to be looking at to the thing inside of me. I gave it the mental equivalent of, "um... I'm not reading anything at the moment...." Silence. Shortly thereafter, about 3 am, I learned: black out. I was right. Something was wrong.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


There have been dreams of late: the army picking me up and taking me to my flyfighter. They'd finally acquired it and needed me to look at it, presumably to tell them how some of the more complicated functions worked. I took off in it and led them a chase all over the world. I finally landed and let them catch up to me. There were rapist ape men. *sigh* And other nightmares.