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Wednesday, December 22, 2010


Damn but I can't remember everything. I know there was this scientist type fellow, only I don't think he was legit. And somehow he had gotten hold of this black spikey orchid type plant (very prehistoric looking) and it was mine. I forget why he wanted to, but he had to test it and me. To do that he had to switch some of the plants fluids and my blood. I don't remember him taking the blood; only that my arm hurt a LOT from the needle pricks. There were at least three. And all he got was a small vial, that he poured at the base of the plant (and the top of the pot) where there was this line. He explained that he had to do that. And somehow he'd put the plant's fluids into mine. He announced to me that I was 82% manifested, and began to do stupid drama shit about it... like sticking his face into mine to see if my eyes had changed yet and other stupid shit. That was when I noticed he3 was pale brown: a Black mix or maybe whole. Who knows. I would never have noticed if he hadn't been doing the stupid childish drama shit. Picking at my cheek to see if the skin had changed. Things like that. I had the plant in my lap; it was precious to me. And I remember at the beginning of the dream I was afraid he was going to kill it. There was other parts: a path and us in this dunebuggy type vehicle. People along the path shooting missiles and bullets. Me throwing my hands in the air like at a joy ride. "Let's dodge the missils!!!" and us driving along with me having the time of my life over being shot at. There was one person with a weapon as we passed by. It was something similar to a M47 Dragon only the barrel was white and at least twice as long. The tripod that held the weapon up was slightly different, too... and the soldier stood to fire it instead of sitting. He wore a soldier's uniform but it was 2 shades of dark grey, and there were flaps coming off his helmet so you couldn't see his face. And when the missile shot, it was about a forearm long and white with a black stripe along the edge where the warhead was located. When I woke up I actually checked my arm for needle marks or something because of the pain, which was fading rapidly.

Monday, December 20, 2010


It started as a fantasy: the kind you tell yourself to lull into sleep. Never you mind why there were guns and claws involved. I'm pissed about something. Somehow it turned from me deciding suicide was the answer if things played a certain way to me standing near a young soldier whose head was bandaged. I could sense he was very young: maybe early twenties. Can't say he was a private from that, but yeah. Thin. And tranquil. I couldn't see his face for the bandages. A blonde nurse and someone else began rolling his cot down the hospital highway. They did it quite suddenly. I was going with him, at first. The emergency hallway doors were flung back and I could see a beautiful golden gateway. The Sumerian kind with carvings. Enormous. I started to go down the hallway with him but I was stopped just beyond the emergency room doors. That's when I realized he wasn't being taken to the emergency room. This was death to him, and I literally couldn't go any farther. (I did try for a minute to see if I could.) He thought he was being taken in for surgery. It woke me the way these things do. Then my husband called to chat. I told him about it, and I told him that if it was someone attached to his unit they'd be on blackout any minute now. 20 minutes later... well. You know the drill.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


I had a nightmare about a slave house, trying to escape, and the redhead that wanted freedom with me. I was in the house and I don't remember why. It was full of people, and I can't remember much except being aware that it was the Xmas season. Very briefly there was a movie star, but I'll talk about her later. She didn't get much air time in the beginning. I wandered to the back of the house and ended up in a room that was hidden from the rest. There was a guy in there who grabbed me and had me cornered. I screamed and cried for help, but no one in the house would come. I couldn't figure out why no one would help me. I can't remember how it happened after that... there was a redhead and she and I decided to escape together. She had long wavy hair. We got outside of the house and really didn't make as good an attempt as we could have, choosing to stand around. The slavers came in beat up old cars, coming home, and she wanted to stand there and stare at the headlights. I tried to hide at least and yelled at her to run or hide or something. She just stood there staring into the headlights. So we were caught again. Somehow it ended up that I was also a guy and not me? Anyway, I stepped outside of his body or something, or maybe was watching someone else. The girl was being hauled away and they had him in the back room. He said, "I don't care about any of this shit." And he/I was thinking, "I just want to go home." Everyone gasped as if to say, "You don't care about the environment?!?!" That kind of sentiment, and I thought it was silly considering they were the slavers. Turned out the reason why no one would help me is because the whole house was in on it. The crazy guy had some sort of machine gun, and in the dream I knew in a detailed way how they worked but damned if I could tell you how right now. The crazy guy put the gun to the man's throat, threatening him against escaping. I felt like he was bluffing, so the guy grabbed the gun's side and pulled this strange sliding mechanism to call the crazy guy's bluff. The gun went off, and the way machine guns do it moved on it's own because the crazy guy wasn't holding it very securely. At first I thought the bullets had maybe went past the one guy's head, but the gun had moved so that the bullets made a slash across his throat. There was blood everywhere and the guy was falling. The crazy guy was hit pretty bad on the head, too. But then again he was holding the gun *and* leaning against the crazy guy in some stupid comic book move. The bullets had somehow bounced and his hair was all matted with his own blood. And the, I didn't see it, but the one guy's head just fell off. It was on the floor. I don't remember what happened next, but somehow I was outside with the ringleader. She was a famous movie star, someone that reminded me of Angelia Landsbury. She owned the house and was the crazy guy's mother or some such relative. The redhead was sitting in a car crying. Her hair had been cut and restyled. It was chinlength now. She cried and cried. Her owners got into the back of the car to be driven away. I was at the passenger window. I said something... can't remember what... "you sure about this?" I think. She didn't answer. "Okay, "I said and backed away. They were driving slowly down the dirt road. The movie star and myself and I'm not sure who else were walking. Then this car starting coming down the road at us. As it got closer I realized it was full of skeletons. There were two adult skeletons in the front seat and in between them was that of a 10 year old girl. They were very very detailed: pieces I didn't even know I knew about. I started to hear the little girl's voice, 'Hi mommy I've brought my sister. Actually I've brought both of my sisters and we've come to take you away." The car swooped over the movie start and that's how they claimed her. I woke up at about that point.

Saturday, December 11, 2010


i remembered the way to the eye doctor on bogrim air field. interesting cause i have never been to bogrim air field. The buildings look old and 50ish

Friday, November 19, 2010

Jaded in Jacksonville 19

Just my personal thoughts and feelings in regards to Pleiadian belief vs. what I was taught and believe my own self. No more. No less.

Monday, November 1, 2010


This dream happened a few days ago. I was with Tim at first. We were at a little store in the middle of a barren desert landscape. There were mountains in the distance, so I guess it was one of those deserts created by mountains much like where Tim is right now in Afghanistan. I looked out the window (there was a vinyl seat by the window with a table, and I was sitting there with other people for some reason). There was a giant wolf spirit in the sky, coming our way. He had a red jewel between his eyes and like in some video game the name "Sodon" floated in yellow letters just below him. He came on a thunder cloud. I said to Tim, "There's Fenris!" and got his attention for it. The wolf passed over. I ran outside and looked off in the distance toward the mountains. Sodon and moved towards a larger thundercloud which had the head of a Fenris himself. He said, "Now you shall all die, you disgusting mortals. For I am loose upon the face of the Earth." I shouted, "NO!" in a "Bad dog!" voice. Meanwhile Tim wasn't there anymore. I'm not sure why. I took it for granted. There was another guy: his head was bald and around it was blue tattoo decorations much like a tattooed scroll headband. They were symbols with curly-cue work. I took note of them but did not read them nor even thought if they would have meaning. Fenris floated across the sky and out of sight. Planes fell out of the sky and people screamed in fear. These planes were breaking in half and falling to the ground to explode. I shielded myself by turning my back and grabbed my cellphone. My thought was to get back to the store and charge my phone as much as possible. Then maybe there would be signal enough later to call Tim. The planes could have been passenger airliners. But they also could have been the P3-Orion. I'm not sure which they were. The weirdness of it is this dream happened so soon after that conversation with Loki.

Saturday, October 23, 2010


He's been reading the MKULTRA book, as you know, and he was telling me more about what he had found. I had to make him repeat it: he was in the part that was talking about some of the torture methods. He casually mentioned burying people at the beach as if it wasn't important - silly man. All of the information is important, and he just blows off important details. Drives me crazy. But anyway: ... I remember that. If there's nothing else in my 30 odd years that I could never remember, I remember *that*. I've ALWAYS remembered that. I thought it was reoccurring nightmare. I spent a long time confused as to how I knew about the plot to Blood Beach before 1975. When I was small I dreaded going to sleep, for fear I'd end up at that beach again. I went there three times. And the last time, they grabbed my ankles and pulled me under the sand.

Monday, October 11, 2010


I was in the mountain range where I taught the army how to fly my jump ship. It was me, Choshu, my husband, and my children... and some female teens I didn't know. I looked up into the clear blue sky, and there was an airplane there. It flew closer, and I realized it was a UFO. It got very close. "Choshu, get your camera!" I yelled. But Choshu's camera suddenly wouldn't work. It was white and the parts were round, like something from a movie or a brandnew kitchen appliance. It hovered and turned and took off after a moment. Another UFO came. This one was orange with white trim. I said outloud, "Land! I want to fly your ship!" He landed to my excited surprise, and out stepped a guy in a pale grey-blue mandarin collar uniform. It looked very official. He asked, "What did you say? I thought you said -" and he said an alien sentence that sounded oddly like what I had said. I did not understand the sentence. No, I said, "Land. I want to fly your ship." "Oh," well he said. He was a White man with pale blond-red hair in a crew cut. His uniform had bars on the left breast. They were odd looking: like a square rectangle made of that metal that is neither gold nor silver. My son came out of nowhere and climbed into the ship as if it always belonged there. "Get down!" I said. "That isn't yours!" "Did you know the ship hyper drives were based on the blood capillary systems?" the man asked me. When he spoke I was infused with images of blood running through veins, as if I were watching a NOVA episode of something. "Which ones?" I asked. We had walked to the back of the ship. He flipped something like a trunk so I could see the drive, but I was too busy politely looking at his face as we spoke. "All thirty," he replied. I wondered to myself if he was insane. There were more than thirty animals in the world. I walked away to rejoin my group. He followed behind, and he kept looking at my hair. 'What are you doing?" I asked. "I'm looking for blue streaks," he said. "I know it's you." Crap, he's looking for me I thought. I also thought, well. I haven't dyed my hair blue in years. Keep looking, pal. But that isn't how the game is supposed to go, and I knew that. So after a moment of internal debate I decided to run away. I knew it was pointless. He'd find me with the sensors in his ship, but I ran. I came to a place where household items and other things were piled high. There was a square in the middle of the piles as if a room had been carved out of the things. I hid under something there and woke up. I told this dream to a friend, who did some quick research. So it is today I learned that "The International Society of Blood Transfusion (ISBT) currently recognises 30 major blood group systems (including the ABO and Rh systems)." Go figure.

Thursday, October 7, 2010


the other day I gave a call to someone I grew up with and blatantly mentioned "the others" in my head without a pause to see how she'll react. She took it in stride. She's one of the ones who mentioned that I had an "altar ego" before I was willing to accept and admit it, so it was interesting to see her speak of things as if it were commonplace between us. I told her how the MILAB situation was a bit. And then I have this faint memory as if I'd dreamed it right after (I woke up the next day with it) of having a debate with someone else about current MILAB procedure. I wanted some things changed into other ways of handling things. But I can't decide if it's because I had that conversation with my friend Margaret or because I'd went to another meeting. I honestly can't tell.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


I wish I could remember what I was thinking about when this happened. I was trying to go to sleep.. what on earth was I pondering?!?! Anyway, the internal response was the word "strawberries" and I was filled with the taste of them. Before my closed eyes came the silhouettes of various people's heads, all in a crowd, and I knew they were underground. They were human heads. And something inside of me started to sing, "Strawberry fields forever...."

Monday, September 13, 2010


I couldn't explain it, how tired I got all of a sudden. I went to sleep and slept until 1:30 PM or so. Blackout, I find out later. After an attack.

Monday, September 6, 2010


The other night I dreamed about having a red-headed baby. It was barely an hour old when it said to me, "Orchard." I said, "What?" "That man over there was trouble in the orchard." There were all sorts of people in the dream, so... okay. It was that man over there. I marvelled at my speaking baby while thinking of a local park called Crab Orchard. I was waking up this morning and thinking/talking to myself the way I do. The subject of a certain big project came up. I'm feeling a little tired of it all, so I announced, "Fuck it. I'm not doing it. I'm going to let Zorhan take care of it." Or maybe it was Zohan. Anyway, the word Zorhan (or Zohan but I think it was Zorhan) was in front of my face in all caps, in one of those bold plain fonts. The color of it was splattered with shots of red. Maybe it was a trigger word. Whatever the case, it woke me up. Who the hell is Zorhan??

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Council on High

Loki was on a cloud nearby as Choshu and I read cards. He offered his service. At first he said it was free. When I didn't buy into it and asked him what he got out of the deal, he said he would do it for a bottle of wine. Choshu fell for it. So did Lhung when I told him later. I guess you have to know a trickster very well to catch when they're fooling you. Deals were made, but I no longer have hope for anything. "You were gaining lucidity all along," the Fishbowl pointed out as negotiations happened. Yes, I told them. But the masters caught on and they put me back to square one. I need help, and I find no such thing with the mortals. Not that, nor loyalty, nor even a husband willing to defend his family. .... Wake time visions.... Had another nightmare last night. Tim went to a super soldier program and was physically enhanced. He was given the tube by which the liquid would be poured into your body. He felt that it was stupid how they handled the super drug: by keeping it in a locked box and refusing access unless there was dire need. We were at a two building hotel for this. And he left me behind again; on the cell phone in the pool talking to others while I wondered where he was. When he came out to talk to me, I wanted to push him in the water and leave him there. But it was the shallow end of the pool and I was afraid it would hurt him. We were talking up to get in the elevator to go to our room when I was woke up with him calling to talk to me. ... don't think I can take much more of this.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

mkultra, vision

"to the fallen: we salute you" he writes in his blog. That's all I have to go on. That and: 0120 hours or so, I wake up and lay in bed. Wide awake. Unable to rest. Everything is uncomfortable. Something is wrong. But I'm laying there trying to go back to sleep. I'm thinking about documents and things. Over and over in my mind: technical information. Technical technical. Which is an automatic comfort for me, to go technical, even though I didn't know what I needed comfort from. I wasn't aware of it at first, but the comment was burbling up from a deep well inside of me. It was like it came out of the locked box where the darker things are supposed to sleep. "Read it to me." "Read it to me." "Read it to me." I realized I was being told to read the document that I apparently was supposed to be looking at to the thing inside of me. I gave it the mental equivalent of, "um... I'm not reading anything at the moment...." Silence. Shortly thereafter, about 3 am, I learned: black out. I was right. Something was wrong.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


There have been dreams of late: the army picking me up and taking me to my flyfighter. They'd finally acquired it and needed me to look at it, presumably to tell them how some of the more complicated functions worked. I took off in it and led them a chase all over the world. I finally landed and let them catch up to me. There were rapist ape men. *sigh* And other nightmares.

Friday, July 9, 2010

council on high

Peter Moon. Well I think it was Peter Moon. I was in my bedroom, standing by my bed. For some reason he called me, but instead of my cellphone I picked up an old landline receiver. He was very confused as to why he had called. The color of the conversation was dark blue/grey. At first I tried to discuss MILAB things, but he hedged away from the topic. He tried changing it, but it was as though he couldn't formulate a sentence. Being as I was taking him to be a famous editor (for some reason), I finally guided him to talk to me about my comic book. "Tell me about your stories," he finally asked as if having a Eureka moment - this is what I'm supposed to be talking about. So I did. There was also a Matrix rip-off dream: something to feed the desires of everyone about being the One and found. I in a city street: them in their black cloaks literally stepping out of light poles. Getting chased by reptiles that came out of the concrete. It turned into a cartoon movie which made me want to cry. Old hobos wiping mirrors to see the story that was told play in them. I've been working with a lot of hobos lately. There was also a moment when I knew I was laying in bed and a series of tones was being played. It reminded me of the beginning to Firefly by Owl City. Then a thought was put into my mind by a low male voice. It was a mode of thinking to turn around something I was already pondering. I knew it for what it was and that shattered the "dream". Fishbowl had a summit the other day. Yes, I did attend... it's the only real activity we've had in a while. Since I've managed to make contact with some people in the proper way *and* another demand of mine (meeting some in person with my "court') may be answered in a few days.... I shall reopen Council and stop doing everything by myself. See, they're mortals here too. They also hate being left out I guess.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Jaded (from) Jacksonville 18

Just my philosophy on finding your soul mate - what with Valentine's Day coming and all. -and an old channeled Fishbowl report. If I had more time to do things, it would not be an old Fishbowl report because it would be on the 'net by now. But. It's an old Fishbowl report. This is all old footage from 2009, and it might stay that way until 1. I catch up and 2. my stolen camera is replaced somehow. Being as insurance companies are all thieves, I suspect that's not happening anytime soon. =^-^=

I try to use only work and music I find from open source avenues - so if it was marked as open source, I pretty much thought it was alright. As a result, all of my Jaded in Jax files are open to use under the fair rights act as well as for your own derivative works. Not that anything I do is good enough for that.