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Sunday, March 22, 2009

Dream, Council on High

I was visited last night. The back history here is that I haven't been going to the Fishbowl in a while. To be quite frank about it, I've been feeling very disheartened about a lot more than frogs in boiling water lately. The overall state of affairs that I see and frequently experience has become disheartening, and I guess you could say I've begun to lose my faith. The overall result is a tendency to desire outright mundanity and to lose the 95% of myself that makes me a living breathing person to begin with. I've been seriously considering just flat... I dunno... going stupid I guess you could call it, which part of me acknowledges is an utter impossibility but there are times I'd like to try. I was born breathing "the mists of ambiance energy" and literally could not be removed from it without just dying. But day-um people. But upon review, what reason have I to continue dealing with a Council on High the way they handle matters with us mere mundanes below? Yes, I am aware that there are times they simply cannot explain. There are times that you just have to trust them, and there are dozens and hundreds of dozens of simple events in my life that speak loudly for "be patient, you padawan." But there is this other issue, this all-important other issue, that I've been getting dodged about. They have given me excuses, which means that there is no reason to be patient. They've even lied. They've placated in order to get me to wait, and then wait some more. I've been patient about it because of the other dozens of examples, and the fulfilled promises, and related factors. Patient and patient while being told I had final command. They haven't done anything wrong. They've done their jobs, and they've done it superbly. But then we get to those who work with them that are also, like myself, aware. Contact them and I am ignored. Reach out to them and I am directed to fluff fluff e-mail lists filled with propaganda and bullshit. Seek to build the physical bridges that are so very needed and required for our final jobs here and I am met with a wall of ego or paranoia, take your pick. So maybe I'm lonely, or maybe I feel more than ever I've been shouting unheard in a very large crowd. Either way this suxors. Nothing is getting done, and we the Council on High are our own worst enemy. Or something like that. Other things have begun to happen in the real world, and I've had to look at once again putting major factors of my role and duty on hold to somehow find a paying job and protect house and home. Mind you, without those things I'll begin to whither. I literally cannot live without them, and I cannot deal with pushing them down. Hooray being an innate and full-fledged shamanistic type. But anyway. All I've heard from on High for years is that the quest would begin to pay for itself, and that the needed things would come to me. Ha, once again I'm not seeing it. I feel that whomever is in charge of finance is a total idiot on some days. So I threw up my hands, and I literally walked away. For days I've been hearing here and there to come back. I've been pushed and prodded, given signals and signs. I've ignored them all. Talking to the Other Half last night on the phone, I did casually mention that part of my sorrow was the loss of doing comic books. This story that I tell I used to try to tell to all of the 'kin over ten years ago, and I was often pushed aside because no one wanted to hear it. But it's an important story, truly it is. Okay fine, so I'm in it. So are a lot of other people, and the telling of this story is important for them. And somehow I feel it's important for the world, so I have found a good way to tell it that doesn't have people telling me to shaddup. =^-^= I'm doing my JOB and I'm doing it RIGHT and dammit all to hell..... I'm often approached by representatives, angry council members, frustrated secretaries, etc. when I'm laying down to sleep or am already sleeping. Each have their own way of approaching. Some walk straight up and go right into screaming at me. Others approach timidly and wait for me to notice them. But overall unless they're part of my personal Seven (Nine, Twelve or Three), they stand a certain amount away from my feet and keep that special distance. Last night as I lay on my bed - I wasn't sleeping very well because the air mattress isn't keeping air so well anymore - in that alpha state the Fishbowl treasures so much I was approached by a thin blond young man. He was probably in his twenties with short hair. He wore a green t-shirt. This one walked right up to me and sat right down next to me. He began speaking very quickly, as if he didn't have much time or maybe he was afraid I was going to tell him to go the fuck away. =^-^= Either way, his tone was on purpose set in a hopeful and positive manner and he was telling me something about the comic book... something about... a plan I guess. I can't remember the discussion at all. But I did wake up remembering some things on it I had to do. And that's what happened recently. Hope you enjoyed the tale.