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Saturday, February 17, 2007


I had a dream about Cas a few nights ago, that he came back to try to take more things from the house. I told him he couldn't come in. His lackeys (actually he's THEIR lackey but that's now how the dream was), Lindsay and L were there dressed in prom clothes. He was dressed up, too, and I know at least that this meant I was equating them metaphorically with their high school attitudes. By the end of the dream I'd yelled at him, 'You made me hate you. Thanks a LOT!" and hit him on the head while knelt and took it. Well he would kneel and take it: he likes the idea of being a victim. Last night, I dreamed about him again. He came back to me as I was out on a photo shoot. I was taking pictures of models dressed as statues in cemetaries, and I had an assistant that was taking pictures of me in the shoot to. Lots of 1940's flowing dressed with pretty hats, netting, bows and flowers. Anyway, he was hanging around me as if he was right back in my life again. We were travelling from water processing plant to water processing plant. These plants were small things with highly decorated with paintings borders and sunken ponds. Not like one you see today. There came a point when he whipped out his cell phone and walked away to have a conversation. I was reminded of the shit he'd put me through and realized I didn't have his phone number. This upset me so that I started to sit away from him and create a new distance. He tried getting close to me again, but I didn't want anything to do with it. I was too sad. Then his friend came to me. Lindsay or someone. "He's really missed you," they said to me. I didn't believe her. And I wouldn't if it happened in real life, either.