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Sunday, April 1, 2012

Let us begin with....

Dorica Manu got in contact with me first thing yesterday morning and we had the session as was planned last weekend. I'm glad I hadn't completely lost hope in her: sometimes people do surprise you, even when you're used to 99% disappointment.

I thought perhaps I would speak about the session here, but I had another post planned before that - and after pondering if for a full day I realize I have to do the other post first. I have to start from the beginning so that those who choose to walk with me in this journey can understand fully where I am coming from. I've already mentioned this starting point, but while watching the lecture I mentioned before I knew I was going to have to put it down - to record that I already knew what I know. Because people so often call me a liar.

"I was born in a blue valley." That's how the story begins, and it's a phrase the Otherkin hated to hear coming from my lips. Back then I was in a rut: I had to tell this story over and over again, as if saying it just once didn't make it heard well enough. The truth is I didn't feel heard - and I probably wasn't, unless you want to count the three people who got to know me long enough to hear my origins and then claimed my story as their own. (Sick fucks that they were.) I still don't feel heard today, but I've long since grown past the need to tell this story repeatedly. So here, let me say it here - this time because I have to, not because I want to. At least it's well rehearsed.

I was born in a blue valley in, what I believed for most of my life, to be another planet far away from here. It was the capital home of what I've always described inside as "the shining empire" - and the valley housed "the Anthill", which was a naturally dug out tower of granite, the kind that flashed pink in the setting sun. That was what we lived in, above - and below us in the caverns dwelled the winged dragon people: large warm-blooded dragons with bird-like fur.

My word for that valley is Shiro - and no matter how I've tried I never have been able to find a name for the world itself. It was a blue valley because all of the plants had a blue cast to them - rather like Kentucky blue grass or a blue fir tree. It was a temperate climate with cool rains and short, mild winters. Old, tree-covered mountains surrounded the valley, which was dominated by a sweeping flat plain in which the Anthill stood.

I lived at the top of the Anthill, in a secluded room with a balcony that I stood upon to view the tiny village and golden grasslands below. Years ago I never thought to question why I'd need to be isolated from the rest like that, but now I think perhaps it's because my "makers" felt the need to protect everyone else from my presence. I was different: a hybrid, as it were - a successful one of multiple races and strange blood. In me burned the fire of a sun - and that's what I was, a baby star come to physical flesh and a world that didn't know what to make of it.

But we were humans - and avians - and so the proper term I suspect is "phoenix".

Mind you there were others like me, just as there are dozens that are better than me now. I wasn't unique, just different. I have a memory of my first conscious thoughts - opening my eyes from where I hung suspended in the row of tubes. We were created in sets of fives, and I was very aware of my brothers and sisters. The doctors walked by and did their rounds, checking and always checking. And soon after I first awoke for the first time I reached my energy tendrils out and pulled in the sleeping essence of my siblings back into myself where it belonged: I was not meant to be a tendril. I was not meant to be split. I belonged whole, so I fixed it in my own way. I ate them.

My particular parents - the ones who gave their DNA, eggs, and money for my birth - were the rulers. My father was dark of hair and eye. I barely remember him. There was a plague back then, the plague that actually facilitated the creation of monsters like myself. I've always called it the Soap Bubble disease, because our souls had grown so old and the DNA matrix could no longer support their energy. So like old soap bubbles that float in the air, the souls would pop into nothing. My father died of it. During that time I remember an older brother who also died of it - wasted away on his couch bed with no one nearby, because no one knew what to do.

My mother was a redhead, and this somehow was special. My only memories of her are watching her walk by me as I played in the hallway - she was always so sad. After my father was gone, she put on the Mask of Sorrow - which was a custom, kind of like a mourning veil but it was a stupid mask - and barely spoke to anyone. Certainly not to me. So most of my adult interaction was with the regent - also a redhead. He taught me a chesslike game and was more a father to me than my real one.

There are other memories from this time, but they've always remained undefined. I know I was "exiled" for a short time for being a pain in the ass. I was sent away to a school where I felt even more out of sorts than I did at home. Then I was allowed to return. I don't really remember what my crime was.

I naturally took to weapons of war and not peace - something which drove my elders batshit crazy. There was a building in the back far behind the Anthill where weapons were kept: these gun things that worked like bows and shot heat. Sort of like what the Reptilians use today. I snuck into it and got one of them and was target practicing with Juvinich (my word for him), a boy who'd come as my friend. I accidentally burned down one of the trees that my father had had imported from "Earth". That caused a ruckus.

I loved Juvinich dearly: too dearly. When I was a kid, remembering this stuff, I mistook my memories of these feelings to be a puppy love. But now I have to wonder; was it that sort of love or just an intense fondness for the only person of age who was willing to be a friend?

Although there was at least one other friend: a young dragon girl who, here on Earth with me, remembers some rather amusing things about what a trial I was to raise.

I remember being very small, probably about the equivalent of four years of age, and coming to Earth with my father. The place we landed, also in the mountains, was scraped raw and muddy. There were people tilling the land and building things. My father and a few other men were in a room discussing things. There was a glass-encased balcony there and I stood at the glass, watching things below. My father came and gently picked me up. He said, "Don't fall now" and carried me back to where they were.

And I remember when everything fell apart.

I knew there was political upheaval: you can't miss it when your mother is continuously in the council room seeing people and everyone is upset over nothing. I was probably about 14 of age (equivalent) at the time. I also know we had chosen to remain neutral against what was going on - but I couldn't tell you just what it was.

I had developed the sneaky habit of disappearing on my tutors or whatever it was I had to do that day and hiding in the grasslands. I liked to lay in the grass and feel the sunlight warm my body. I was there that day when the ships came out of the sky. I remember being in the grass, which was over my head, and looking up to see them in flight formation.

They were black, triangular, and sharp. They swooped down on the Anthill and opened up on the people below. I started running home - what else could I do? - as the ships swooped by again and again and again. I got to the edge of the Anthill courtyard just in time for my mother, who was running to see me. She started to run towards me and I her - and that's when one of the ships fired her in the back. Her blood spurted all over my pale blue satin slippers.

So I stood there in shock in front of my mother's dead body, watching everything happen around me. I probably would have died there and this would be the end of my story had it not been for Juvinich, who grabbed my hand and pulled me away from everything. The Anthill was situated very close to the foothills and mountains, so he took me that way. We didn't stop fleeing until we could turn and look over things from a safe vantage. And that's how I watched as the firing stopped, the ships landed, and the survivors were loaded up to be taken away. Probably into slavery - that's what I thought when I was younger.

Juvinich and I stayed deep in the forest on the mountain - there was a cave there - for a long time. One day he left me to live alone. And I stayed that way a long time with  nothing but a few pets to keep me. I learned to hide well: if I saw a ship in the sky I disappeared as quickly as I could.

One time I went down to the emptied anthill and walked the halls. I danced in the ballroom to myself, remembering a party from my childhood. Heh. That stupid movie Anastasia - I've remembered that moment for most of my life. When I saw that similar ballroom scene in Anastasia, I was caught between outrage that it was in the movie and pain at the reminder.

One day the loneliness was too much. I put myself to sleep and astral traveled outward. I met a "Glowbright" in the other realm, who brought me into his mouth, swallowed me, and spit me out as an "angel". But I remained different - because I had to be. I thought I was the last of my kind.

When there was some trouble in Glowbright Land, I fled for my life. I passed the layers of existence until I came back to this 3rd plane and found Earth. I remembered it and zeroed in, came to land here and to my surprise found DNA that was still close enough to me that it could house my energy well. And I've been on Earth ever since, after a fashion. I rarely go anywhere else. This is my home and my star.

But these memories may not be real, you see? There's a lot more to them - a lot more - and when I watch some researcher put together the galactic history of DNA or some other cogness I usually nod my head. Or shake it, saying "Well, they're close but no cigar!"

But if it could be put in my head as an implanted memory, it could be put in other people's heads - where the pieces are coming from.So.