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Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Arrows

Synchronicity continues as religion comes up often in my circles. There is someone I knew who has joined a heathen establishment that has a bad reputation: not by gossip, but by the eye-witness accounts I found today. But because my husband is more attached to that sort of faith than I, my friend is more open to talk to him about things while I get excluded. Which is a problem, because years ago my friend swore loyalty to me.

In pagan and heathen circles "warlock" means "oath-breaker".

The situation has had me considering my own path. My husband follows Fenris, I've always been fond of Loki, and my friend loves Thor. Well, most people of that religion tend to love Odin and Thor. They're the most glamorous; get the most pr.

Even though I can talk about these things on equal ground as far as the mythos goes and other intellectual matters, I'm not a worshiper. I just can match things.

I've nearly 40 years of perceiving my life in relation to the gods this way:

I would go to sleep at night, and if an audience was required of me whomever had come (sometimes a god, sometimes a messenger) would wait patiently a small distance from the foot of my bed as I drifted into the dream state so they could speak with me.

I've made gods tremble at my anger.

I've had multiple people learn who I was and swear fealty.

And all of that has been in doubt since I learned the truth of how you're lied to by aliens. Maybe some of it is true, but I have to know for sure.

Someone once told me I was a chaos mage. Well, that's almost exact - except I think a chaos mage wouldn't have a Sumerian god tell you "You're one of us, you came from where we are, come back to talk to us at any time" when you do a ritual from the Necronomicon for shits and giggles. I think they'd get a different reaction, something that doesn't suggest that you're siblings.

But, okay. Chaos mage. So look up the definition.

Yes, I do happen to be a natural born chaos mage. I did not learn it from other chaos mages: I just kind of knew what I know and have done what I've always done. I will give Loki a bottle of beer, shoot an arrow for Diana, and meditate for nirvana. This is what makes me a bridge.

That is what "They" told me I must be "the bridge and gap between the different factions." I had to reassume the thorny crown.  Or something like that.  So it was the state of my beefrost existence that allows me to do what I do and to be what I am. It is nothing to be scoffed at, nor treated as a liability or danger. I am more free than most by my very nature and belief system.

The good thing about being, technically, a chaos mage is I am not tied down by your dogma. I am freed by my interpretation of it.

I am able to take new information about UFOs, like the new findings and theories about big foot, and use that information for a greater knowledge on the whole. Instead of rejecting it outright like so many people do.

Being a chaos mage is not being part of a religion.

So. So so so.

This particular bit of information is a part of my puzzle for the truth, I think. A chaos mage is a mix of everything; they pick, choose, learn, adapt, and do based almost wholly on belief.

The thing I'm supposed to be a bridge for? I don't know. I just know it's tied into belief and the persception thereof.

It's like being a spiritual jack of all trades, I think.

So.. why a chaos mage?

What other questions should I ask?