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Saturday, September 29, 2012

I Stand Unafraid

When people hear parts of my story, they almost always say, "What a nightmare for you! I'm so sorry!"

Well, not being able to pay my bills and hold down a regular job is and was a nightmare. Losing my children when I did everythign I could do provide for them and keep them from harm's way was a hellish nightmare. This? This quest for truth.

I... just don't view it as a nightmare. Interesting? Oh yes, there is that. Scarey? I dunno. I'm not scared by it. If I were I'd be doing like so many people out there and just rejecting stuff entirely.  You know the people I'm talking about. I guess my thirst for understanding on the whole thing - to know what the truth really is - outweighs any fear.  Now, stick me in the room with a malevolent ghost and I'm gonna be scared. And I'm definitely scared of what's in the dark. But this situation? It's a mystery. It needs to be unraveled.

The answer is neither completely in science nor completely in spirituality. They really are two sides of the same coin. What one person calls levitation magic another person calls telekinesis. What one person calls the High Sidhe another calls the Pleiadians. It's all in the power of perspective. It is my belief that the perfect balance is the ability to take that coin, set it on its side, and balance yourself on the edge. And then I could go into a lot of imagery about how the coin can spin, and the whole of universal matter and time is wrapped in a spinning spiral that - once mastered - can lead you to anywhere. But... meh.

It is actually a matter of some frustration to me that a lot of people don't get it. I have had people get very angry at me for the way I see the world. I had one person tell me I would never find the truth and never be able to heal myself because I wasn't willing set my logic aside. I had another - ironically a preacher - tell me to stop looking for signs and portents. I used to flit from researcher and priest, around and around, desperately seeking someone who could connect with me inbetween. No one could or would - whichever doesn't matter.