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Saturday, October 6, 2012

On the existence of past lives

One of the big questions I have right now is, "Are my past lives really real?"

As a Butterfly I've been lied to. I've had an entire history stuffed into my brain that I never truly experienced. I've had memories twisted to make them just enough truth to be solid with just enough lies to carry their training home. And I came out of it wondering what was real and what wasn't - for the biggest thing to me, to anyone who understands how things work the way I seem to do, it's essential to remember that you are the sum of your memories and experiences.

As I've mentioned here before, this means a lot I once believed in has been set aside. I have a plethora of past life memories I now hold suspect. This morning I woke up remembering not a past life, but the time when I was about five years old and my friend's older "brother" molested us both in the woods between our houses. She liked it. She wanted more. I bit his dick in my small child passive way. I didn't want to do that. I wanted to play with mud and climb trees. I still would prefer to get dirty and climb trees.

I used to hold a ritual every year and friends would come to it. But one friend betrayed me and undermined everything I'd worked for. It wasn't the first time that had happened, but it was the final straw. I dissolved everything and walked away. It's been a few years since then.

I decided to try again this year, but to keep it small as I wasn't thinking of anything more than a small friendly thing. As always the energies began to align themselves - for our thoughts and intents are very powerful - and people began to come to me. Past life professionals. Priests. Etc.

And my friend betrayed me again - she made other plans and talked about rescheduling for a later time. I realized today that it's going to be too cold this winter for that other time. So I'll hold the ritual by myself and walk the path alone - as no one I know will ever have the fortitude to walk with me to the end. Or to keep from greedily wanting to sit in my place.

And interestingly the past lives have been brought up again. The professional did a search and found a couple I remember. She said she was my husband and my wife during those time but alas - I am married to the being that was my husband or my wife all those times if my own past life memories are true. And his personality quirks are exactly the same as I reminisced to friends all those years waiting for him to find me again. He hasn't changed a damn iota, frustrating as it can be sometimes.

I am told that souls will live more than one life at exactly the same time. So while you are here, now, reading this blog you are also a small boy in Siberia freezing his toes off. I don't believe that. It amazes me how people will take one tiny facet of knowledge - the existence of these past lives - and forget about how we touch memory pockets as a racial standard and do often find ourselves exchanging ideas and feelings.

You can argue all you like about how time isn't really linear, how everything is actually happening all at the same time, blah blah blah. This is true. It is also true that time is shaped like a helix, a spiral - as is most important things in the universe; the true shape of chaos. In order to jump from one moment of time to another you don't think to yourself "I will go to the same moment that happened a year ago today" and step sideways. A part of you must plot which angle to go, where that point in the spiral is, where to step into lets you try to co-exist something else at the exact same time and explode. There are people who go on and on about how the universe is a hologram and thus it's an illusion.

But understand what a hologram really is. And get to know the rest of the story. The world is a hologram in that we see by light bouncing off of real SOLID EXISTING objects. Our eyes capture that light. And the REAL SOLID EXISTING objects are basically hard light in a sense while being in a sense something else. It's a hologram because it's makeup remains what it truly is while we interpret that makeup in our minds through our own perspective, skewing the truth enough for us to understand. It's real. It's there. The places with in the various dimensions that make it up like space and time are real and they're there in their place while co-existing at the same time. The universe is only one layer while being a hundred thousand million different layers all at once - and it just doesn't have to be so complicated. All you have to remember is you are you and time is time and although you're within it, you're not it.

YOU are not "time". You are a tiny mote in the great framework of the universe, and if you have the power to time travel (and we all do) then  you have the power to live linearly yourself. I myself, I know for a fact, prefer to remain what I like to call "Orange juice concentrate" - meaning I keep my soul being very small like a tiny firefly. I insist on living linearly - I remember the past. I know what happened in the past. I dislike a lot about the past. I choose not to live in the past as it were. I have strong memories that do that for me. I live in them when I wish to make a visit.

Because of how I choose to be, I can fly very fast, am the fastest in the cosmos. I like to sleep in stars or meditate for ages - it's very relaxing - and if pushed my tiny size packs one hell of a wallop.

I wasn't a nice person once. I will always find it amusing when I go to sessions (on the super rare times I can afford them) and the guide's expression changes as they first try to struggle with why I'd want to remember, why I did the things I did, the pain THEY feel from touching it if they go into places they shouldn't ought without permission, and wonder why it is I'm here suffering the way I do when I long ago paid my dues in full.  It's an interesting phenomenon of the human condition for me.

And someday someone will do more than wonder and drop it and I will have some more of the answers I seek here.  Which I think is what most of us desire most of all.

If, mind you, past lives are real.