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Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Memories vs. Coincidence - my first mission

I have this hazy memory. It's one of those that I've always associated with "past life" material, and even though I never thought it was connected to another "past life" material pocket in my mind I have to wonder. In fact it's one of the many things in my head I poke at, wondering if I made it up. It's important to make sure you haven't made anything up.

The time line is that Kausha - the original me, the perfect hybrid created artificially in a Blue Valley on a planet many light years from now on the other side of a black hole - was lonely. Her planet had been hazed and almost everyone had been rounded up for slavery by the attackers. This was when the united peace that was a universal wide empire fell. She had lived at the capital.

So she lived there on this abandoned, lost world with only a few things to keep her company. The loneliness drove her mad, so she put herself into a deep sleep and sent her soul forth to find company. While floating in the upper realms, there was a giant creature that many would call God. It took notice of her and swallowed her in order to make it part of it's own kingdom.

Not to die, but to be remade into one of it's many clones. But she valued her individuality very much. She knew she was unique, for all there had been five of her at her cloning... she was the only survivor. So she begged for the being to please not take that away from her. He took pity on her tears and let her keep her identity, but he had to change her a little bit... so he changed her just enough so that she could survive in his "Heaven."

She mostly ran errands in Heaven. There was a team of five others she was attached to. They were a lot older than her and more viewed her as an annoying little sister. "The Team of Light" they were called; Lightbringers. Or at least, that's the best way I can describe the pictures in my head.

There was one being who did not like the way things were being run, so a rebellion was planned. She learned of this rebellion and went to the Being and asked him if it was okay if she joined the other side. He said yes.

Why she asked, or why it was brought up I can't say. Maybe she was spying. Maybe she was just so obedient she had to ask for permission to do such a thing. Either way, there was a battle. It was short, and she was on the sidelines for most of it. And it was over. Tables were turned and the "red one" had managed to gain the upper hand.

So he lined up everyone who had ever followed him. Her team as well. She stood on the far end - to the right of the line - and watched as each person was approached. "I order you to die." And they obediently did, one by one.

So she ran. She ran and ran and ran. She leaped from Heaven, back into the aether, flying with the wings the Being had given her. She ran until she came to Earth and hid in a body that was not her own.

But most things are metaphor when describing how things happened, keeping in mind that much of what happens to a Butterfly is done under a hypnotic state. We interpret things with visual references, and we even replace real things with dreams. One exercise I distinctly remember from only about five years ago had me on an island serving a dictator. I knew I was on an island, and I was to enact certain behavior around the handler who was being the dictator. But while this was happening, I was also aware that items in the hallway I was to take to be equipment were really cardboard boxes with peanuts.

There was a young blond girl who was in the exercise with me. I remember her because - as happens often when subjects are too young in these exercises - she passed out mid-action. Well, having been a parent my instincts to protect were strong so I followed the doctors when they picked up her limp body and carried her into the hall. I watched as a lady doctor put music headphones on the girl's head after she had been laid on one of the boxes of peanuts. The doctor saw me watching and asked if everything was okay. I knew if I let on that I could see what was really happening I was in trouble so I just asked if the soldier would live, listened to the planned reply, and went back to the exercise.

A couple of days later I was at a gas station in the back woods near my home. The girl was there with her family. She saw me, I saw her. She jumped into my car - excited - and said, "Hi!"

I wanted to say hi back, but... I had to look at her and say, "Honey, you don't know me."

She jumped immediately back to her family. And I've wondered about her ever since.

Why *would* anyone believe a Butterfly who remembers these things, when we've been told to see things not as they really are?

So I went to Heaven after I had been nearly created. And I served The Lord. Who was at the bad end of a coup. And watched as everyone was put to death, one by one, until I feared for my life enough to run. Because of everyone there, I had managed to retain individual thought. Which, I might add, my first handler prized in me. I'm not sure why.

The surroundings of that memory are full of smoke, clouds, and there's just nothing there. So. Maybe it didn't happen. Who knows.