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Monday, February 10, 2014

Interesting event happened today.

I received an email inviting me to interview for some sort of Experiencer group TV thingie. I'm not sure what the project is myself. They said, "Our (name deleted) team and television production are looking for fellow experiencers who would like to share their extraterrestrial encounters with our team for on-camera investigation and research. Each member of our team and production crew is involved with ongoing alien encounters, so no one has ever assembled a better group to seek out answers to the alien phenomenon. (Name deleted) was created after my alien visitors told me to seek out those like myself and then look within. Our cosmic scavenger-hunt has begun."

It took me a while to decide what I was going to do. I was tempted, but weighing my options and my past ... experience (for lack of a better term) I decided best not. So I sat down to decline. I did it as gracefully as I could, taking time off from work to explain why. This is what I wrote, taking out some names to protect folks:

"Hi there and thank you for contacting me.I'd love to help you out, but I've learned a horrible lesson. The minute I do anything UFO related under my real persona, for some reason it's like no one notices I'm there. Or I get called a liar. Or researchers like yourself take what they want and then dump me like a bad girlfriend. All of this is very emotionally draining and painful, and I've gotten pretty jaded in regards to those who claim they want to help. It's pretty consistent they don't. The last MUFON researcher I bothered with, well. Let's just say he wanted fame, which he got, and when I stopped playing ball he dumped me. Meanwhile his partner treated me like I didn't have the right to learn or know anything but it was perfectly okay for him and his cousin to use me to learn how to astral travel and do things his cousin ended up abusing in an unethical way. And being attached to this stuff was actually hurting my author career - which is weird because so many big names are doing okay being attached - so it's like an identity crisis version of the Alien Lovebite. And it's frustrating to sit and listen to people talk about things you relate to but the minute you open your mouth everything goes sour, no matter how nice and accommodating you try to be. Can't even get memberships in forums....But my point is, I'm not up to another episode where I get used, dried up, and thrown away. I get attached to people and I'm tired of being used.

I'd love to help you on a research basis, because that would help me, but I don't have the resources... and I'm sure I'm not sexy, witty, young or thin enough to help out. =^-^= So what I will do is give you the link to (my) free book. It's a simple account. There's nothing unusual in it, and it's not complete because I can only work on it here and there. But there it is. Maybe there's something in it you can use"

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/4990

I figured from here I'd never hear from them again, but they gave me a prompt reply before the day was over. When I saw the email in my box, I was actually surprised to see it. For a fleeting moment, I naively thought to myself that maybe they were interested in creating a real support bond, something that would let me participate. This is what I got:

Just so you know I'm not a researcher, I'm an Experiencer and have been my entire life.  It's sad that you judge me without ever talking with me and my work has always been about supporting fellow Experiencers and creating ongoing relationships.  Anyway this is the reality you've created in your imagination and I'm not here to force anyone to share their experiences.  So sad that you judge...

Wow. Just. Wow. "On-camera investigation and research" = researcher. Maybe I shouldn't have over explained. But on the other hand, maybe he shouldn't have assumed. And furthermore: he's "not here to force anyone to share" wtf?!?! I could have sworn I shared by linking him to a book that is my experiences that he could have for FREE. I wonder if he even gave it a chance.

And thinking further, that entire email was me sharing an experience. Isn't that what the fuck he asked for? If he wants to bond people together, he needs to learn to deal with the damage other jerks have done. I'm not the only one that has been kicked around, although I'm probably the most vocal.

My response: You weren't being judged. I'm just tired and worn out. There were key phrases in that message such as "anything UFO related" which means "anything beyond researchers". Also not once did I call you a researcher. I just stated the last researcher I dealt with did those things. 

So sad you're more worried about how someone may or may not be judging you versus when they open up and share the very pain you claim to want to experience with and help.  You could have handled my message, really the entire situation, better. Glad I've developed the habit of putting things on the table to see how people really are. I didn't judge you. But it's interesting how you turn it around to judge me. But, that is that.

Ha, I just checked. Mercury is in retrograde. Go figure. Well. Good luck to you. 



****

Upon re-reading I do see where I called him a researcher. Shoot. So I shot another email: Okay I see where I called you a researcher. Sorry if I got that wrong. You approached me like one. However, the rest of what I have to say still stands. Apologies. Moving along, good luck. I won't email you again.

I've been through I think 20 people, looking for a way to get answers? And that's just in my later adult life. They weren't all researchers, but they all did end up being bad for me whether they meant it or not. I've been used, lied to, manipulated, had my programming tampered with, thrown out on my ear, and lost my children. Damn this shit, if I'm going to worry about this guy who can't even read a letter straight. If he misunderstands my initial contact, I can't imagine how bad he'll do with anything else I have to say.

Just checked. Mercury is in retrograde, and that isn't helping I'm sure. Man I hate it when Mercury is in retrograde. I've been getting bs like that over what seems to me to be clear statements all week.