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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

memories

So I and Choshu got in touch with a little UFO researcher in Alabama. She's not writing a book or anything. She's very informative.... ... and has decided that Choshu needs regression and I need reprogramming. -_- Anyway. I was trying to fall asleep last night (I haven't been sleeping at night lately.. or hardly in the day for that matter) and was thinking about how the researcher asked Choshu if she had had her dolls come to life on her as a child but had not asked me that. Then I started to recall all the nightmares I had with my dolls and with that, of course, I started to remember other things I had totally forgotten about. I had night fears as a child, you see. Big time night fears. I was afraid of my room, afraid of the dark, afraid of shadows... I had been that way since I was small and had had a dream. I don't remember the dream very well. I do remember that as I lay there with my eyes closed the way a child does a woman's voice whispered to me "Whatever you do, do NOT open your eyes. Whatever you do, do NOT open your eyes." So I opened my eyes and saw the head of a "burglar", to which I screamed bloody murder. This burglar was shaped sort of like the Hamburglar; you know with that big head? And I only saw his silhouette. And that's when I developed night fears. And if asked I probably couldn't tell you what I was afraid of. I just was terrified. Our family was poor, so poor that our trailer was repossessed. My father was always a very resourceful man, being highly intelligent, so he got an old school bus and built it into a little home. Later on when we were doing better and had bought another trailer, the Bus because my and my older brother's bedroom; split by a wall in the middle. I hated going out there more than anything. I would hang there during the day, but at night Dad would have to threaten physical violence to get me to go bed. He didn't understand how frightened I was; and believe you me I was terrified. Because at night my dolls would move on me and they would even be in different positions when I woke up. I had one doll that was a little larger than a toddler. I loved her but after a while I thought she hated me and could perceive hatred in her plastic eyes. I woke up one time - I swear to you - with her standing by the bed coming to kill me. That's what I thought! But the two dreams that clinched my fear were the ones of the bright light descending down around the trailer and coming through the door as I screamed in terror and the other dream of being in a white place on a white table like bed with blowing white cloth all around me while the dolls stood around me to do things to me. There was one other dream I thought of from all those years ago, but I can't remember it very well. It was something to do with world domination? And I was doing something... but when I woke up my brother told me he had been playing Pink Floyd as a mind experiment on me. -_- My brother was also very intelligent, you see. My brother also used to have a mental companion he called Miya Kiyana - which meant "life death" - who taught me about how some of his people came to this planet via a special machine that would send your soul out. And how sometimes there's more than one version of the same soul because they ended up split. Miya Kiyana himself was split by having to pass through a star on the way here. And he taught me about flyfighters and also could remember when my homeworld fell. And would have me find "others" (because that was my talent) in order to group them. Then would have me excluded once my part was over. My brother was arrested and thrown in prison after another eventful time that doesn't belong in this particular topic but DOES involve MIB and then he was thrown into federal prison. After that, my brother told me, Miya Kiyana went away. And he can't remember how childhood hardly at all. I'm just a sister to him these days, and not really someone close I suppose. Anyway, the point is that it should take a researcher helping me to bounce these memories out... Not anger that I've been blown off by yet another assumption. Growl. I had a dream last night that I was Haruhi finally confessing to Tamaki. He was speechless and hugged me.. and someone woke me up.