Talking about an experience I had

So You Could Say 3...

The werewolf story: concluded...

There is a cemetery in Schenectady that Fred had showed me and it was a gorgeous one. It dated from colonial times and the front part had been declared a preserve/park area. It was one of the great ones with big oak trees, shady areas, real flowers, and tombstones with dates you can only imagine.

The energy there was something else, too. You could actually feel how it was divided between local "covens". One area felt wiccan, one something I couldn't identify, etc. etc. I think I counted five divisions the couple of times I was there, and I didn't explore very far because the far back was what caught my attention. It was very plainly the place reserved for the more dark arts.  There was graffiti on tombstones, wax drippings on the top of a sarcophagus... but what had convinced me the folks who used the hidden area were real was a bush at the entrance of the little area.

Inside of it, wrapped up in bit of string and dangling as spellwork dictates was a bit of freckled fur that looked a lot like a wolf's fur. It was that which caught my attention, kind of like that line in The Last Unicorn movie where the unicorn says to Schmendrick, "You must never run from anything immortal. It catches their attention."

Now even then I knew sensing the energies could have been a product of my imagination. A lot of people would say that. But I dunno. I may not be very good at listening to myself when my premonitions say "go do this" or "prepare for power outage" or what have you... but I'm good at listening to my nose. And my nose said there was directed energy  there.

I was in a mischievous mood when I took Tee's boyfriend with me to show him the cemetery. Poor shy little fellow. I was only playing, but I think perhaps it was a bit on the cruel side to take this guy to a vortex of energy in the mood I was in. And this mood is like having all of your doors and windows open at once with the power turned on maximum, the stereo blaring, and signals being pumped into you by the gods themselves. You can tell everything that happened in an area - not like in the movies where they replay events as if you're watching a play. It's knowledge you take for granted, because you always knew it. You just know.


And I knew that the Group In the Back had been holding rituals, using the sarcophagus as their ritual table. And I knew they were trying to summon their god - Lucifer, perhaps, or some other deity along that line. And it wasn't that long after I'd been attacked in New Jersey for being Lucifer, myself, and the energy they sent out was a damn near match to what excites me.



So I knew that climbing on top of the sarcophagus and grabbing the energy tendrils in my hot little hands in order to send a large power burst that literally screamed "I"M HERE! YOU SENT FOR ME, RIGHT
???" would catch their attention.

Poor Tee's boyfriend was white as a sheet. I'm not sure he could swallow the fact that I had just answered a coven's summons by standing in the center of their combined power.

While standing on that sarcophagus - I hadn't even had time to get down again - I was jolted with, "WE'RE COMING!"

"They're coming!" I shouted in glee to Tee's boyfriend. I jumped down, laughing nervously or just laughing, and took him out of the back to what I considered the "Wiccan area." And we stood there - him about to crap his pants in fear and me expecting a group of teenagers or college age adults at best.  I even would have agreed to meet them and play a bit, I decided, if I felt they were okay.

Four or five vehicles appeared in ten minutes.  The first was a cop - stepping out of his personal vehicle. The second was a business man in a very nice car.  I can't remember the others, but standing there watching them as they went into the back and held a large discussion trying to figure out who was there you knew these people weren't just anybody. They were local leaders.

Only one person do I remember clearly, and that's because as she climbed back into her old car with the stink of "abandoned single parent with little money" all over her she pulled away from the group and drove by Tee's boyfriend and I from where we stood in plain sight watching in shock. She looked closely at he and I, driving by. Her eyes narrowed... and then her expression changed. We were not the demons she was looking for. She forgot us and drove away.

They all drove away after a while. Tee's boyfriend was very quiet for the rest of the day. And he was scared around me for a couple of days after that, but that was when he really started to side with me and not the rest of the household. I don't know what they'd told him, to be honest, if anything. I don't know if they talked much about me at all - well aside from the negative backstabbing things they acted on later. But that event maybe, just maybe, changed his mind about something. And his moral support I look back upon even years later and thank him quietly for: my brave friend.

Now when I find a cemetery of interest I tend to visit it a lot - usually it's to do things like tend forgotten graves or do good things. I don't like vandals. Cemeteries can be beautiful, but only if you take care of them. So of course I went back.  But within two weeks the energy in the back was gone and I searched... they'd moved their vortex. I could even feel where it was. But I didn't care to chase them. I will admit I was a little disappointed. I like making new friends. But, what are ya gonna do. Instead of chasing them I cleaned up some of their mess and made note that the werewolf spell was gone.

I wonder if it worked for the caster better than mine had done for me.


And that's the end of the werewolf spell story.

So You Could Say 2...

Getting back to the werewolf story: I ignored what I'd found and continued trying to act like where I was could be a healthy environment. But by the time the Halloween party came and went, I broke completely in half.


By then Fred's roommate, who I'll call Tee, had gotten herself a boyfriend. She'd met him on the internet, coaxed him up to visit, and stopped taking her pills to get pregnant by him. She had him trapped good. He was moving in, the works. Poor guy. He was afraid of people and living in general and had to be on medicine, but you know later he'd prove to be my only friend.

At the party, well, there was your typical bullshit from Tee. By then I'd lost my job as I'd described above and hadn't eaten in a week. All of the food I'd bought was saved for my daughter alone as I hunted for jobs daily - but being a single mother and having lost my job because of a babysitter quitting black-marked me and I couldn't find anything. I was running out of ideas to look.

Tee's boyfriend had said I could have a pizza from the upstairs freezer, and Tee started a fight with me about it at the party. I was so angry I just threw energy at her. It wasn't anything harmful: that sort of tantrum gets you nowhere. But it scared everyone there. They took my power seriously, more seriously than perhaps a sane person should. I mean really. A temper tantrum ball? That's not even real energy. That's like a toddler stamping their feet and screaming. Come on.

But these people overreacted about a lot of things that have nothing to do with this tale.

I can't remember the precise moment I broke. I just remember a particular story in my head that was always a background hum suddenly stopped humming. It got very loud and the feelings that came with it were intense. This story I always knew: I drew it as comics to myself even as a small child. There was me, a princess but also a slave, and I was the fastest flyer in the military academy. There was the love of my life, but he died somehow. And that was a long time ago, and I waited for karma to bring us back together again. It was a sweet story... when I was a kid. A full grown adult in a bad environment having a nervous breakdown from being picked at mentally for three months straight after years of life not giving her a break is something else. I kind of curled up in my blankets and cried all day. I only stirred to take care of my daughter. She'd go to school and I'd curl back up again.

Tee's boyfriend was a gentle and sweet person, and he saw from the outside what was happening to me. "Don't let them do this to you," he'd say to me. He came to me more than once trying to encourage me out of it, telling me how I'd been manipulated and hurt. He even braved going out of doors to take me to the local mental health clinic to try to get some help. But no one would see me. No one would take me seriously.

This is where the werewolf spell comes in. Yeah, all of that to set the scene. LOL. And the werewolf portion isn't even that much. It's just amusing to me. But that, again, will have to wait lest my posts get too long.
___

Ive been reading Bloodlines of the Illuminati by Fritz Springmeier for over a year now. I rarely get time to read for pleasure. It doesn't help that I feel like I've read it all before. I'm only on page 88 (eBook page, could be anywhere) and right now it's talking about the different family ruling clans. "The Rest of the Li Hong Kong Clan", etc.

Right now it reads like the genealogy reports in the Bible.

Understand, this information *is* important so I'm not knocking at it. As far as I personally am concerned reading these names isn't going to do me as much good. I don't notice people like that. You have to interact with me on more than one level. But it's okay because I know at least one of my others is reading it with me, and she soaks information up like a sponge. Sometimes she does it too much and I can't remember what I've read and I have to go back and read again. She's very observant and loves to learn about everything. If I can merge with her my capacity as a human would be increased a million fold. But she would have to be one of the last to merge.

Merging: I've been concentrating on merging myself on my own for years now. I do it here and there: I don't dare go too fast. That's part of what broke me when I was in NY. I ignored the advice "don't go too fast, trying to recover yourself" even though I was the one who said it the most and... crack! So now I keep to that. Here and there I'll look inside, find someone, and "eat" them.  Sometimes I can feel a change, sometimes I don't feel anything, sometimes I'll go "oh I forgot!"  It all depends.

Mostly I'm eating the "little people" though; no one "big".

But back to Springmeier's book: I find it real interesting he's talking about Red China. In my head China is the great no-no land. I made it a point to study Chinese in college. I picked up speaking it real easily. Can't read it to save my life so I had to drop out. But I dunno. China. The great red X, the dangerous land. The land of "no justice".

And so I'll keep reading. And if I see anything else of note I'll mention it here.

So You Could Say...

That times were interesting when I was younger. They were certainly a lot more interesting than they are now, although they were also a lot more traumatic.

That werewolf spell experience from my childhood would serve me amusingly later when I was living in Schenectady, New York.

A lot had happened to me by then. I'd married, been cheated on, been left, been reprimanded by the handlers, been discriminated against while living in New Jersey, had to send my children away to my abusive ex-husband to protect them from the discrimination in New Jersey, you name it. So I was living in Albany New York with a man who claimed he wanted to be my boyfriend that said he'd help me get back on my feet after I'd lost everything in New Jersey.

This was just before 9/11. The house I was living in was a two story that was divided into two apartments. The young man said I could live in the bottom apartment. It was a nasty house, to say the least. I mean there I am with fragile lungs (I was also recovering from serious walking pneumonia I couldn't get any doctors to take seriously) and he had these long-hair cats he and his roommate never cleaned up after, and he refused to open any windows to allow fresh air inside even though the screens were secure and the cats could not in any possible way have gotten out. I grew up with cats and I was pretty sure I knew enough about them to know an open secure window was safe, fresh air was healthy, and cleaning up after them was a must.

I won't go into the clique activities in that house - they're not important, and they're all Otherkin related anyway. The petty incidents with one of his "friends" who came only to get him to help with homework and was nasty to me when he was out of the room is basically something out of a movie about high school spoiled rich kids. The important parts are what he did to me - although some of it may have been good intentioned I still can only view him as evil these days.

He spent money on me, I'll give him that. He got me some new clothes to find a job in, which I found almost immediately being as I'm highly skilled. He got a friend of his set up to babysit my daughter for me while I worked - boy that was a mistake. That horrible woman soon proved to be resentful, petty and prone to take things out on my daughter, so I soon found myself looking for someone else on the side. Not fast enough, though - the bitch picked an argument one morning and quit on me thirty minutes before I had to go to work, causing me to lose my job.

The young man, I guess I'll call him Fred, also would do past life readings for me. He had a skill called scar reading: he would lay hands on you and read scars your soul has from past experiences. They were amusing stories he'd tell me, and I loved to hear them. They validated my existence when I needed it so very badly. One day after one of his friends had come to teach me how to fight with swords but spent that time telling me how since I was obviously a split personality that meant I didn't exist (only a nightmare for splits everywhere) he used the readings to make me feel better. I look back on the pattern that was around me: everyone around him treating me horribly when he wasn't there and him picking up the pieces every day and I recognize a particular training pattern.

The problem with that particular pattern, you see, is that I was already MKultra and didn't know it. Oh, he knew I was "manifesting" from the trauma I'd faced and was having a shift inside of me. He obviously didn't know why or how. I don't know if I've talked about it before, the Black Princess programming, but that's when this was finally fully awakened.

You don't tamper with a Butterfly's matrix, especially not to reprogram. The pattern I was thrown into there wasn't a matter of being handled or reinforced. It was a matter of fresh programming being laid upon me: it was tampering. That's stupid and dangerous to do to anyone, much less a Butterfly. I know that now. Of course back then I only knew I was in a world of pain, confusion, and felt cornered without really knowing why.

I don't know how it is for the others, but when I'm pushed into feeling a certain level of angst I forget that I can't do things and just take it for granted that I can. So my "powers" came out on dangerous levels. At first it was little things - being able to predict what someone was going to do next - and it moved on to bigger things like self defense.

Fred's true form isn't human. I don't know what it is... it has a lot of tendrils that he attaches to people. In fact it's where I learned the skill, but with him I don't think it was a matter of conscious thought so much as that was what he is. There was this time I was washing dishes (SOMEONE had to clean) and he walked up behind me. My senses caught hint of this monster and I quickly turned, automatically throwing energy throwing darts at him with my right hand. They went out as bright points of white that my 6th sense saw and melted into him.

I was so proud that day, bouncing around him saying, "Did you see? Did you see? I remembered how to do that!" I had no idea what doing that really meant in the grand scheme of things. I thought it meant that my past life self - the Malek persona - was finally reawakening fully and I was going to manifest into that phoenix I'd waited for all my life. Fred nodded and didn't congratulate me as much. He claimed the energy bounced off his armor.  And the next day for several days he was very sick; couldn't even get out of bed.

At about that time the observant bits of me started to catch on, and I found myself separating internally from the stories Fred would tell me. By then I was breaking inside completely from what was happening around me. One day Fred told me this lovely story about my past life and a love. I can't remember the full story now, nor do I want to. I remember he said my past body had six fingers on each hand and he described this form that matches some popular conspiracy theories. But I, after hearing it, contemplated the information he gave me. I realized I didn't remember any of it, and because I couldn't remember it that meant I couldn't validate it. This is a skill you must exercise to keep from lying to yourself, and I probably will talk about it over and over again in this journal.

When I sat down that evening to record what I'd learned in my past life journal, I omitted Fred's story. He noticed and was furious. I was confused at the time, of course, as to why he'd be so angry that I had not taken his tale as gospel. And there was another part of me that said, "See? He's manipulating you."

Halloween: I wanted to hold a party, so we did. Man that house was disgusting to clean. I was picking up three year old cat puke in corners, I kid you not. Omigod. But the point behind that is while cleaning Fred's room I accidentally came across a compartment in his floor; it wasn't secured very well. And inside were about half a dozen books on how to manipulate people. I just sat there on the floor looking at these books. My inner selves wanted me to pick them up and read them, but I wouldn't touch them. No way. I just filed their existence away in my head - as obvious as the situation could have been to an outsider, things sink in slowly for me somtimes. And I knew this was a blatant red flag that everything else was bad bad bad. But I was also trapped and maybe didn't want to acknowledge it.... but I'll have to tell more of the story next post.

While doing research trying to rediscover the information about blind alters, I came across a blog post by someone talking about Katy Perry's "Wide Awake" video. The blogger cautioned the reader to look at the "Alice in Wonderland" imagery, that it was a definite statement about Katy Perry's entrapment in the MKultra program (because only famous stars are MKultra slaves).

So I watched the rather entertaining video and what I saw was not Alice in Wonderland imagery. It was straight Jim Henson's The Labrynth. Yes, falling into the Green World such as the character in Labrynth or how Katy Perry does in her video does can be construed as Alice in Wonderland imagery. Wonderland is a very bright and fantastical dream world and it's well known that the book was used in MKultra programming.

But one mistake I see people making repeatedly is instantly pointing fingers at something fantastical and calling it a conspiracy shot because it has butterflies, colorful images, and things our culture associates with a magical world. Sometimes that's just not the case whether you like it or not. Shakespeare was writing about falling into magical worlds long before Alice was a twinkle in her father's eye. Before Shakespeare there was the mysterious poet who immortalized Beowulf for us. Sometimes a fish is just a fish, no matter how much you try to descale it.

It's like the HAARP fad a couple of years ago. HAARP was blamed for everything; a dust devil, high tide, your baby burping up it's juice. Whatever it was, HAARP did it. Omigod, seriously.

Look. I think this is probably another important part to getting to the truth about yourself. You have to keep to the scientific process and remember that ability to reason your god gifted you with. Maybe Katy Perry is a MKultra diamond. Maybe not. I haven't looked into her enough to know for sure. If you're going to try to reason one way or the other, use your brain and get to know the material first.

Which means being able to tell the difference between a movie reference and a classic children's story. Yes, that also means knowing the difference between Satanism, Devil Worship, and Zen. Not being biased just because you're Christian and assuming everything else is evil. Not being biased just because you're athiest, etc.


The information we give each other is so confused and muddled because of the people out there feeding us with mixed information. You want to defeat this problem? Work to beat that, first.