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Monday, January 7, 2013

So You Could Say 2...

Getting back to the werewolf story: I ignored what I'd found and continued trying to act like where I was could be a healthy environment. But by the time the Halloween party came and went, I broke completely in half.

By then Fred's roommate, who I'll call Tee, had gotten herself a boyfriend. She'd met him on the internet, coaxed him up to visit, and stopped taking her pills to get pregnant by him. She had him trapped good. He was moving in, the works. Poor guy. He was afraid of people and living in general and had to be on medicine, but you know later he'd prove to be my only friend.

At the party, well, there was your typical bullshit from Tee. By then I'd lost my job as I'd described above and hadn't eaten in a week. All of the food I'd bought was saved for my daughter alone as I hunted for jobs daily - but being a single mother and having lost my job because of a babysitter quitting black-marked me and I couldn't find anything. I was running out of ideas to look.

Tee's boyfriend had said I could have a pizza from the upstairs freezer, and Tee started a fight with me about it at the party. I was so angry I just threw energy at her. It wasn't anything harmful: that sort of tantrum gets you nowhere. But it scared everyone there. They took my power seriously, more seriously than perhaps a sane person should. I mean really. A temper tantrum ball? That's not even real energy. That's like a toddler stamping their feet and screaming. Come on.

But these people overreacted about a lot of things that have nothing to do with this tale.

I can't remember the precise moment I broke. I just remember a particular story in my head that was always a background hum suddenly stopped humming. It got very loud and the feelings that came with it were intense. This story I always knew: I drew it as comics to myself even as a small child. There was me, a princess but also a slave, and I was the fastest flyer in the military academy. There was the love of my life, but he died somehow. And that was a long time ago, and I waited for karma to bring us back together again. It was a sweet story... when I was a kid. A full grown adult in a bad environment having a nervous breakdown from being picked at mentally for three months straight after years of life not giving her a break is something else. I kind of curled up in my blankets and cried all day. I only stirred to take care of my daughter. She'd go to school and I'd curl back up again.

Tee's boyfriend was a gentle and sweet person, and he saw from the outside what was happening to me. "Don't let them do this to you," he'd say to me. He came to me more than once trying to encourage me out of it, telling me how I'd been manipulated and hurt. He even braved going out of doors to take me to the local mental health clinic to try to get some help. But no one would see me. No one would take me seriously.

This is where the werewolf spell comes in. Yeah, all of that to set the scene. LOL. And the werewolf portion isn't even that much. It's just amusing to me. But that, again, will have to wait lest my posts get too long.

Ive been reading Bloodlines of the Illuminati by Fritz Springmeier for over a year now. I rarely get time to read for pleasure. It doesn't help that I feel like I've read it all before. I'm only on page 88 (eBook page, could be anywhere) and right now it's talking about the different family ruling clans. "The Rest of the Li Hong Kong Clan", etc.

Right now it reads like the genealogy reports in the Bible.

Understand, this information *is* important so I'm not knocking at it. As far as I personally am concerned reading these names isn't going to do me as much good. I don't notice people like that. You have to interact with me on more than one level. But it's okay because I know at least one of my others is reading it with me, and she soaks information up like a sponge. Sometimes she does it too much and I can't remember what I've read and I have to go back and read again. She's very observant and loves to learn about everything. If I can merge with her my capacity as a human would be increased a million fold. But she would have to be one of the last to merge.

Merging: I've been concentrating on merging myself on my own for years now. I do it here and there: I don't dare go too fast. That's part of what broke me when I was in NY. I ignored the advice "don't go too fast, trying to recover yourself" even though I was the one who said it the most and... crack! So now I keep to that. Here and there I'll look inside, find someone, and "eat" them.  Sometimes I can feel a change, sometimes I don't feel anything, sometimes I'll go "oh I forgot!"  It all depends.

Mostly I'm eating the "little people" though; no one "big".

But back to Springmeier's book: I find it real interesting he's talking about Red China. In my head China is the great no-no land. I made it a point to study Chinese in college. I picked up speaking it real easily. Can't read it to save my life so I had to drop out. But I dunno. China. The great red X, the dangerous land. The land of "no justice".

And so I'll keep reading. And if I see anything else of note I'll mention it here.