New Year's Eve - last night. It's Monday, the day I try to spend doing research and putting things together. I stumbled across posts by a man claiming to be a super soldier, and this led me to the Project Avalon forum. The new one. Because finding places that talk about the MILAB scenario and super soldiers is rare, I put in to join their forum. This was hours before midnight.
I also emailed Anya Briggs in the hopes she has some information we can share but I'm not counting on her for anything.
I filled out their application as best I could. When I came to "what do you think you have to offer US" I just didn't know what to say. I never know what I have to offer in situations like that, and for fuck's sake it's a damn forum. So I simply said I don't know, that I didn't like to argue etc. I just like to give and help when I see opportunities, and you never know what sort of opportunity that will be.
Today I got their return letter in regards to my application. Before noon. Some information has been changed to project whatever.
Very many thanks for your interest to join the Project Avalon Forum.
Please excuse this generic letter. We receive a large number of applications, and simply don't have the manpower to write back to each applicant individually.
As we explained when you first notified us of your interest, we're accepting very few new members at the moment. But we did welcome your application.
Based on the information you gave us (and please bear in mind that this is all we know about you), we regret that we're not in a position to create a forum account for you at this time.
We do know that it is impossible to get to know someone thoroughly via a simple application form, and if you feel we have made a mistake or have misunderstood you, please write back to us at (firstname.lastname@example.org), and we'll be pleased to hear from you again.
With our personal regards,
- The Project Avalon Forum Staff"
By now I should be used to being pushed away by the others or being blocked at any chance to communicate and find the truth. I had a feeling as I filled out their application I wouldn't be allowed in - but the truth is I've had some bad experiences with forums, even when I kept my head down.
For example, there was this guy I took to be a friend who got off his meds and turned the entire board against me. (Stalked me for a while, too.) This was a psychic forum. Yeah. I was a demon when he was done, and there were people who jumped right in and helped him with that.
Then there was this other "starseed" forum that turned on my friend because she didn't want to turn against the humans and then turned against me even though I was keeping quiet. Etc. Ad puke infinitum.
I keep to myself very closely and rarely make contact with them because people have extreme reactions to my forward and direct nature. They either decide they really like me. Or they decide I'm a threat and don't like me - which I've always found confusing. Even if I know you're a fake I'm not prone to say anything and destroy your carefully built castle. I'm no threat to anybody unless really pushed. And even then probably not. So why push me?
"We get a large number of applications so we gotta send you a form letter" returned only a few hours after people typically get up actually says to me, "We have this form letter because we reject a lot of people and it's tiresome saying why over and over again."
"But we did welcome your application" as part of the rejection really says "we saw it and we did kind of look it over, but we decided you don't belong here without knowing a fucking thing about you."
Maybe it's because I put on the application that I would post intermittently - which was the truth. Maybe they felt my quiet presence would be a problem. Nevermind that when I did have something thoughtful to say I would definitely have said it, would have strived to contribute deeply and fruitfully, and would have avoided flamewars like the plague.
Maybe it's because they asked if I was part of other forums and what was my screen name. I don't know if I'm part of those other forums anymore or not. I have tried to return to the one or two places on occasion but they've also purged their records and I don't like them enough to make new accounts. And I don't want another screen name. I like the one I use.
I dunno. Either way, it's your typical "fuck off" day in MILAB land with me doing the research and everything alone. Well, I roped my husband into helping me a bit this morning but he'd rather be playing video games. LOL.
Hey! total d'eja vous! I dreamed this! Now that's a positive note. I guess I was trying to warn myself or something. =^-^=
Happy New Year.