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Thursday, February 7, 2013

Two more dreams

These two dreams were had directly after leaving one of the most abusive partners I had ever been with. This man worked in Washington DC near the federal district, programming. I was useful to him so long as my good name got him a place to live and other things. (His credit was ruined from a divorce.) As soon as he had what he wanted, he effectively worked daily to push me out. When I finally left, I was so confused and battered I wasn't even sure what sex I was anymore.

But as with many battered women, I didn't want to let him go and my heart ached like nothing had made it ache before. I found these and the importance to this blog is that one of them is a Fishbowl dream. I had only just gotten firmly aware of the Fishbowl, ironically because of my ex, but wasn't completely sure of how it worked just yet. This and many events like this gave me the clues I needed to understand.

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Friday, August 15th, 2003
Subject: He haunts me even at naptime
3:00 pm.

Where were we? I don't know... but I'd decided to leave and go to Miami, and I wasn't coming back... he carried me the airport and we held each other tight and I begged him to let me stay, and he said that I'd be more productive "down there."

Wednesday, August 20th, 2003
Subject:Nap Time
Time:10:18 pm.
 A package came today from him, and I think that is what sparked today's dream. I took a nap right after receiving the package because it depressed me.

And in the dream he and I stood before a judge/jury type situation... lots of reds.... and they were deciding if we were allowed to stay together. I didn't say much, I don't know if he said anything, but I remember the judge talking a lot... weighing events, I guess... as I was waking up I realized he was gone and damn nearly screamed his name outloud...

I shouldn't be feeling this way, not really. He did abuse me quite a lot.

I've had this court dream before, though, and I'm not sure what it means. Not really.